I mean, honestly, have I ever let you down?

I hope not - but it’s likely I have in at least a small amount.  Let downs are going to happen in life.  

Before you close the page or navigate to something more encouraging, let me remind you that the toughest conversations (or readings) often lead to the greatest growth.

I began typing this entry while at Miami International Airport (MIA) while listening to the Huberman Labs Podcast with Alex Huberman interviewing Dr. David Anderson.  They are talking about aggression and arousal.  It’s a fascinating conversation and while not the direct topic of today’s entry, it’s highly related.

Aggressive Impact

Impactmakers are driven people who seek to do well at things.  Last week’s episode of Speaking of Impact (116) with Chris Yonker reminded us of how we can limit ourselves with conditions.

We believe that our role in society is to be aggressive and win, lead, and be known.  We’re good at those things and I commend you for working hard to be successful.  However, there are times where we need to be more present in the moment and celebratory.  See the “classic” July 21, 2020 E-Impact Blog entry.

Be honest with yourself.  You can’t win, lead, and be known at every moment, at everything, and forever.  

Maybe you should aggressively take some time off from your daily grind (especially if it’s a true grind).

It’s Hard

We’ve never been shy in The Impactmaker Movement about tough things.  In fact, we seek them.  One of those things is honesty.  

If it were easy, kids would never lie to their parents or teachers.  I think most can agree with that.  

The question is why is it so hard?

A big part of that is we’re just not good at admitting we’ve messed up - even when it’s obvious.

There’s also another side to honesty.  What if you’re the parent or teacher?  How do you tell the kid that he or she is wrong but in a constructive way?  Sometimes, we choose to say nothing.  That’s usually destructive.

The fact is that perpetual honesty can be pretty challenging.  Yet, I’m a fan.  They say it’s the best policy.  When in doubt, choose it.

Some may tell you it’s better to lie than frustrate or hurt someone.  Sure, there are exceptions to every rule but I don’t think you can go wrong with ignoring those exceptions here and risking the occasional, and I mean very occasional misplaced honesty.

So, What Does it Take?

It takes two key things to “suffer” perpetual honesty:

1. Desire to be better

2. Willingness to be uncomfortable

I use YouTube when I practice the drums to play along to songs.  It’s a great tool.  Other people use it when they want to learn how to do something or be entertained.  I heard it’s the second most used search engine after Google (who owns the social platform) itself.  

The ads on the platform must work or else companies wouldn’t pay money to place their ads and YouTubers wouldn’t be so eager to reach one thousand subscribers (the point at which you can monetize your channel and be paid to have ads on it.)  I’m a skeptic of the effectiveness of ads in general, even after writing Personal Finance in a Public World.  However, I have to acknowledge that someone is buying it as a result of them.   

I have no idea what company the ad is for (one of the reasons I’m a skeptic of the effectiveness) but in the past few weeks I’ve repeatedly been fed an add for online therapy.  I have no idea what it says after the first five seconds (the point at which I click “skip”) but it makes me realize the need for people to be honest about their feelings.  

Somewhere in the “hustle culture” and era of maximum effort, humanity lost its honesty.  It became about doing whatever it takes to find success - whatever one’s definition of it is.  I think that is a shame but I must be honest with you by saying The Impactmaker Movement doesn’t have the most prominent view point.  We try to do honest, real good things.  We fail a lot but we also try a lot.  

Not everyone thinks you can hustle and be honest all the time.  

We have the necessary desire to be better and willingness to be uncomfortable.  We’ve proven that in our vocations.  Therefore, we have the ability to do what it takes.

This entry is a plea to apply those things to your impact work.  

Humanity needs you!  

When and Where?

My role in The Impactmaker Movement is first to do my part and second to inspire others to do the same.  It should feel like I am putting my mouth where my money is and not vice versa.

I know my when and where pretty well in this season of life and so I’ve developed my secondary role.  I hope I am as consistent as I can be in this state because it means I’m maximizing my gifts and skills.

In all honesty (you knew that phrase had to show up), I also feel at times the need to dictate when and where you should be “impacting”.  That’s not really a good place to be.  

A designated leader is needed in any good organization or impact project and that would be an acceptable place to determine when and where people are supposed to act.  We are not either of those.  We are a community of like-minded people and that’s about where the likeness ends.  

Our gifts and skills are all different.  Our places of residence, work, and worship are all different.  Our financial and influential states are different.  My apologies, but I cannot tell you when and where to place your desire and willingness.

We are back at the challenge of impact work.  You might say that half the battle is identifying how to act.

Motivation

I must assume you have sufficient motivation to be the best you can be by your repeated reading of E-Impact.  But, what if you were to be honest with yourself and acknowledge that it’s not always as strong as you like?

I find my biggest sources of motivation in the plight of others.  There’s nothing that taps my deepest concerns than the well-being of people - especially those who are helpless.  

You must find whatever your trigger is.  

Motivation doesn’t come from what you (or someone else) can gain but from what you can lose.

Don’t lose an opportunity because you didn’t identify what’s at stake.

Watch Your Mouth!

I used to love family and friend events when I was a kid.  I think it was a function of being an only child because I was craving some action outside of my parents.  

My parents and I would often head over to a friends house and the parents would spend time downstairs and on the patio while us kids would takeover the second floor (which consisted of a couple bedrooms and a bathroom).  These were some of the greatest times.  We were free from oversight (or so we thought) and had at least a few hours to be kids.  

I have a memories from numerous nights but two stick out for the purpose of this entry.  They both include some foul language.  

One night at our friend’s house, the kids were upstairs in their normal place and one of us (not me, don’t worry that will come) was not using appropriate words for a child.  At one point, his parents came upstairs and asked what was going on.  My buddy wasn’t exactly honest with his mother.  

Never lie to your mother!  

This was the first time I ever experienced someone literally getting their mouth washed out with soap.  It was just painful to watch.  This is not a parenting blog and I’m not sure how effective the treatment was, but it was clear he deserved some sort of punishment.

I’m not sure what I was thinking but sometime after that first night I had a similar time.  For some reason, I decided to unload some curse words similar to my friends previously.  To my surprise the parents downstairs heard us again.  What was I thinking!?

I’m glad I was the second person to do this because I learned a pretty important lesson.  I also appreciate my parents’ different approach.  We left earlier than normal that night and my parents addressed me in the car on the way home.  I knew immediately that my best move was to be honest.  I fessed up and didn’t face nearly as harsh a penalty.   

The first moral of the story, kids, is to use kind words.  The second is to deal with the discomfort of admitting you’ve messed up (and addressing it if you know someone you love has). 

Leaders

If you’re ten years old, take that story and respect your friends and parents.  If you’re older than that, you’re ready to be an impact leader.  In that position, you should suffer perpetual honestly. 

It makes me a little uncomfortable to tell you to suffer but I believe you’ll apply that appropriately in this scenario.  

Continuous honesty is the way to go.  Apply with your family, your friends, those who benefit from your work, last but not least, yourself.  

There will undoubtedly be uncomfortable times when it would be easier to withhold truth, stretch truth, or downright lie.  Think long term like my friend Liam that I spoke of in E-Impact 100.

Lying is a short term, ineffective band-aid.  Honesty can be a painful surgery that will help you come out better in the long run.