I’m usually over popular sayings quickly.  You hear them a few times and that’s good enough.  People are likely to repeat things they’ve heard rather than think of their own things to say.

Inevitably, words and phrases are overused.

Here’s my list of the top overused slang words, phrases, and acronyms in no particular order:

• Phat

• YOLO

• IMO

• IRL

• TBH

• Cool

• Only the strong survive

• If you can’t beat them, join them

• Early bird gets the worm

• Sweet

• Killer

• Fresh

• Fire

• Gas

• Baller

• Nice

• FOMO

I have to say, this list was easier to come up with than I thought.  In fact, there are way more I could put on the list.  

I’m here to talk about the “Fear Of Missing Out” (FOMO), though.

Why do we have this fear?

Is it insecurity, worry, lack of confidence, interest, desire, covetousness?  

It depends on the situation and is probably a combination in most situations.  

FOMO is certainly on the list of overused sayings but it’s not for lack of application.  I believe it’s a serious issue in society.  And interestingly, it’s not because of technology (if you read E-Impact frequently, you know I blame technology for a lot of things).  

People have always feared missing out on things.  Technology can be a great help to avoid missing things so it may be a net positive for this scenario.  You do need to be careful consuming too much “extravagant content” but it’s safe to say you really can’t miss news, sporting events, new entertainment, and learning opportunities because of the internet.  

So, why is FOMO so real?

I’m not a psychologist but it’s important to note that we all have the most insight into our own mind and the goal of this entry is to help you understand your own relationship with FOMO.  This is definitely not medical advice.

FOMO is real because the human mind is wired for survival and creativity.  The physical risks that we are subject to are much different than those of our ancestors.  Yet, we still employ fight or flight at times.  But when you’re not employing fight or flight, you’re less threatened and more comfortable with taking risks and trying new things.  This is where creativity comes in.

Your mind wants to create.  The creator economy isn’t that revolutionary IMO (in my opinion, c’mon get your sayings down, haha).  Humans have always desired to and need to create, whether it was the wheel or a semiconductor.  

Your desire to create is directly related to your fear of missing out on things.  It’s attractive when new things happen and are built.  You want to be a part of it.  

Be clear, creativity can be expressed in many different ways.  It’s not just the creator economy of today and Gumroad products or physical art.  It might be describe well enough as expression alone.  It is the very fact that expression is so natural that it may make it seem that it’s more reactionary than creative.  I don’t believe it.  I think every time you express yourself, it’s a form of creativity.  

We owe it to ourselves and the other people in our lives to be intentional about our expression and creativity.  I don’t expect you to give excessive thought to everything (especially when fight or flight is needed) but you can think more about your actions and reactions where appropriate.

More intentional thought will lead to less FOMO.  

I firmly believe FOMO is a negative force in most cases and so it will behoove you to control it.  There are certain situations where it can drive you to reach a necessary level or expertise in a given area but these are far and few between (ugh, another saying).  

The biggest issue with fear of missing out on something is that it distracts you from the things that matter most.  The number one weapon against this is being well prioritized - limiting distractions.

I’m known amongst my family and friends as having too many things going on.   I’ve worked hard at this over the years and it’s taken some deep reflection to make changes.  The most helpful reflection I had was thinking about how I operated as a young adult - specifically in college.  

My college schedule (after my cancer and 9/11 experience, listen to Speaking of Impact episode 1 or see my media page for the story) was jam packed.  Most students wouldn’t appreciate that and there were times I felt overwhelmed but for the most part, I appreciated it.  It gave me direction and kept me out of trouble.

Senior Breakfast

We recently had a “Senior Recognition Breakfast” at church.  We do this every year for the graduating high schoolers and I always enjoy celebrating their accomplishments.  One of the activities of the morning is to discuss with the family members and graduates at your table some things about the past and some thoughts for the future.  

One of the questions this year was, “What’s some advice you have for a college freshman?”

I ate this one up (another, I know).  Everyone else at the table said stuff like “stay out of trouble”, “study hard”, “don’t drink”, “find friends” - all acceptable answers.  Mine was different.  I said:

“Stay incredibly busy.”

I didn’t have enough time to give all the reasons why I think this is a good idea so I’ll list them here:

• Keeps you out of trouble (most important for me)

• Maximizes opportunities to learn

• Maximizes opportunities to meet people 

• Helps you determine your skills

• Helps you determine your interests

• Learn about how you learn

• Learn about how you react (expose yourself to FOMO)

I’m willing to accept additions so let me know what you think.

My schedule started at 6 am and went until about 8 pm.  It included weight lifting, class, eating, film study, practice, treatment, studying, and a bit of leisure before bed.  I’m not looking for any awards but I do credit this regimen for what I consider a successful three and half years.  Grad school was also a busy schedule but much of it was driving.  Either way, being productively busy has been a great tool for me in life.

I’m realizing the importance of being the right type of busy now that I own my own business.  Be careful with “busy”ness taking over your business.  

It’s a bit different for young people who don’t have a business or career yet.  They can safely “get busy” (and I don’t mean dance) by committing to and following through on things they sign up for in college.  

Us adults will need to do a little more designing (creativity) of our schedule and find the same results.

Priorities

I don’t mean “no family time” or sixty hour work weeks when I talk about a busy schedule.  This would yield a terribly unfulfilling life experience.  

In reality, your schedule can specifically state family time - and plenty of it.  It can really have whatever you want but it has to be what you want.  

Define the most important things in your life and create the schedule, which is the spending of time, that works the best.   This will help you avoid distractions and the feeling of missing out.

When you know that family time is most important, you won’t feel the need to take on a new project or try out a new side hustle.  Who cares about the neighbor’s new man (or woman) toy?  The landscaping, house projects, hot new investments, extravagant trips, and any other “keeping up with the Jones” (I still like this one) doesn’t matter anymore.

Quench your thirst for creativity (sort of made one up there) by making your own plan for success.  You’ll be well on your way to the greatest fulfillment you could ever desire.

What else?

You’ve minimized distractions.  It’s time to maximize your time in the present.  

The past is a great thing to learn from and the future is a great thing for which to hope but the present is where we find joy.  

There is a fine line between the immediate future and the present.  It’s so close that you can argue  they’re the same.  You’ll need to ask the real psychologists about this.  

I’ll say they are different for one reason.  The immediate future is still a step ahead of what you can do in this exact moment.  I’ve mentioned my friend Liam Sanford multiple times (see E-Impact @#$#@).  He loves to talk about what you can do RN, right now!

That my fiends, is the true present.  The actions you can take in the moment are the present and the only source of joy (it can be thinking but not a dream).  It’s more important to experience the opportunities that are available now than it is to anticipate those that may come in the future.  

Always default to the present even as a sacrifice of the immediate future.  Believe me, the immediate future is about to become the present anyway.  Fulfillment is now.

The Liar

One of my favorite sayings that is not played out is, “Fear is a liar.”  There are two reasons why:

1. I don’t hear or see it that much.  

2. Most still ask me what I mean by it.

Maybe it’s not even a popular saying by definition - it could be just my thing but every time I think about fear, I realize that it tells us things that either aren’t true (most of the time) or provides limitation that isn’t necessary.  

I mentioned above that our need for fight or flight just isn’t as necessary as it used to be.  When it does kick in, the mind is reacting with good reason.  You’ve seen the amazing feats of strength or snap decision making that saves lives.  Professional first responders train it all the time but even the most untrained people can display it.  They immediately and unknowingly overcome rational fear (which could lead to deadly limitation) to save someone.  

I would only be so thrilled if more people used this phrase.  It’s meaning would be more widely understood and I wouldn’t have to explain myself so much (call me lazy).  

Let me explain myself one last time (hardly).  There is no reason to fear missing things when you have your own things to do.  The risk of not accomplishing what you’ve identified as important outweighs any hesitations.  You’re uniquely qualified to accomplish what you’ve identified as important.  

Prioritize, take charge of your schedule, think about “the now”, and lose the fear.

Back to the Future

Let’s give plenty of credit to our ancestors for having to anticipate legitimately fearful situations much more often.  But let’s also acknowledge they didn’t have to plan our their natural desire to be creative.  There was no choice.  You have to give special attention to the desire.

In conclusion, my final point is that FOMO is not a function of the risk you’ll miss something important.  It’s a natural human reaction to a creative void.