Character and Greatness are Developed in the Dark and Tested in the Light

Success doesn’t come overnight.

I’m sure you’ve heard of this concept before. You’re a driven impactmaker and you get impatient from time to time. I’m with you.

Patience

There is something to be said for our parents when they tell us to calm down. It’s usually because we are overly excited about something in a given moment.

Kids don’t act up just to express energy or to make their parents mad. They lose control of emotions and they react. Interestingly, reaction can be a great thing. Ever made a decision based on your gut feeling? Or, ever played a sport (like baseball) where your reaction is the key to success?

Experiences

You learn to exercise patience as you grow older. Your mind matures and you are less reactionary. Good parenting teaches you the virtues of this great practice.

I fear that today’s world promotes immediate gratification on too many things and we are headed down a narrow path.

Imagine if you list out all the experiences of your life that taught you patience. I would venture a guess that there were multiple lessons on a daily basis for much of your childhood. This means thousands upon thousands of events.

Time

It takes time.

Learning how to be patient takes time - a lot of it. It’s not easy. With that being said, we have to be patient in our pursuit of it. I mentioned habits in E-Impact 108 in reference to James Clear’s book, Atomic Habits.

Habits can be good or bad. It’s up to you to manage them.

The great thing about habits is that they can develop subconsciously. The bad thing about them is that they can develop subconsciously. You must use dichotomy to your advantage.

Time enables habits to develop and if you don’t pay attention, it can fly by. You know it “flies when you’re having fun.” Don’t have so much fun that you don’t realize bad habits developing. Be intentional about forming good ones.

It’s much easier to do something when it becomes habitual.

It’s worth the investment of time and that’s why parents do this for their young. When you get older, you have to invest. Your parents can’t do it for you anymore.

A Tool

Think of patience as a great tool - one that needs to be sharpened consistently. The thing about the human mind is that it’s extremely efficient. It can pull processes from different places. This means that the lack of patience you display in a rather meaningless area of life can affect a more important area.

Be careful with how dull the tool gets. Your dopamine-chasing social media or gaming habit can make your impact work suffer.

A sharp tool equals a sharp habit.

Publicity

Society has celebrated celebrities for a long time. We love to “experience” the stars that appear in our favorite movies, streaming shows, and sporting events. I wouldn’t say it’s unhealthy as a general practice. In fact, I think the ambition that it can generate is a good thing (as long as it’s directed toward the right things).

The problem with what stars teach us is that it makes it seem as if recognition is what wins or that they are good at finding publicity.

Consistency

What wins is consistent positive action. Most stars have put exorbitant amounts of time into their craft. They attend acting school, study their roles, and experience rejection but they are resilient. Athletes train far more than most of us could ever imagine for “One Shining Moment” (a logical choice considering we are amidst March Madness).

The best of the best are great because they put in the work. We see the final product that their work produces and the resulting awards. You can’t believe they figure out a way to “work the system.” There are certainly “politics” in every industry but many things, specifically sports, are a great meritocracy. Either way, they didn’t trick, cheat, or “hack” their way to the top. They were consistent.

Character

Great characters do great things - and I don’t mean funny people. I mean people of integrity, honor, compassion, and of course, generosity.

I urge you to focus on building character over time.

You can’t make huge deposits into the bank of character. There is some kind of limit and although it’s hard to define it exactly, I know many consistent deposits are how the most high-character people reach their level.

Your Journey

You might see yourself as a person of high character or desire to be thought of that way. These are excellent, but those who actually do it are a small percentage of the population.

There are a lot of people who believe a good character is important but few who are willing to develop theirs.

I’m not saying it’s terribly challenging but I am saying that most don’t want to take on the burden. It’s almost as if it’s a vulnerability shield. This is a concept I learned from my friend Liam Sanford. I first introduced you to him in E-Impact 100 but check out his new website.

Impactmakers are willing to go on the journey of high character. You are willing to risk some setbacks and put yourself out there to be criticized.

High character does not mean perfect.

It doesn’t mean arrogant either. Actually, humility is part of it.

That Guy

Everyone has that guy at work or even that relative they think is a bit strange. They don’t ever do anything horrible but they tend to rub you the wrong way. They could be a bit arrogant, wrapped up in success, a little awkward, or even unaware of their surroundings.

This person might not have any mal-intent but they make you feel a bit uncomfortable and you wouldn’t trust them with anything. It’s possible you might feel bad for them.

You have a temptation to criticize this person but you do your best to avoid it. It doesn’t matter how great their accomplishments are. There is something they haven’t done in their day-to-day that prevents them from building character. They have some achievements but no journey.

This is a sad state. It’s almost as if their success is being wasted. They could be such a good example if they put in the effort to display a trustworthy character.

I write this not to pile on this type of person but to illustrate that it’s not easy to be considered of high character.

Don’t be that guy (or girl).

The Light (or Lack Thereof)

How do you act when no one is looking?

Is it different from when eyes are on you?

Most people would have to answer yes to the second question. I am one of them for sure but that doesn’t mean I can’t strive for a yes on many occasions.

I don’t expect you to be the exact same person in your home as you are in the office or in the community. There’s a certain level of presentability that we should all exercise in public but don’t have to in the privacy of our homes. However, I would say they should be a lot closer than we think.

The transitive property tells you that if character leads to greatness and a good character is developed in the dark, that you don’t become great at the end of the tunnel. You become great when you're deep in the dark cylinder.

From time to time, you might exit the tunnel and that’s when you can put your work to the test. But, you’ll know quickly if you’ve put in enough work or not.

Coach is Watching

Business coaches are a popular investment for many top entrepreneurs these days. It’s because people need to be “in the light” more. You’re not held accountable when you’re in the dark.

What’s the best lane to run in?

I ran track in high school mostly because it was good speed training for other sports. I remember in my first year running, one of my teammates said they love track because it’s a bit more relaxed and self-motivational. I realized shortly thereafter that if I didn’t put the work in, it wouldn’t get the same attention as it would in a sport like football or baseball.

Team sports usually have more coaches and group drills. Track and field, while there are teams, is mostly an individual competition. We had one head coach and a couple of part-time assistants. We got our workouts early in practice and it was up to us to execute. We were “in the dark” much of the time. I thrived on determination but others struggled because they couldn’t motivate themselves to push through the tough days (some would skip reps and full workouts altogether.)

It’s a sad thing when a super-talented athlete is unmotivated. It’s a waste of potential. I’m here to tell you that you are immensely talented for impact. I can’t be the coach over your shoulder every day. You have to find some impact accountability partners and self-motivation to put the work in.

Collaboration

The best solution for motivation for impact and generosity is like-minded people. Build a team around yourself so that it becomes habitual to do the right thing.

Character building is exponential. You’ll find yourself rooting for those around you and getting support from the same people. It’s exciting, fun, and highly productive.

Work on projects together and then get out in the community (in the light). Let people see your good works and you’ll find the motivating feedback you need to get after it when no one is looking.

My Public Writing Experiment

I typically write this blog on Saturday mornings. No one is watching. I have to stay motivated to write it.

I had a live “writing session” once when I was working on Personal Finance in a Public World. I think one person joined my Instagram feed. That was my failed attempt at public accountability to write.

My following is a bit larger now and I might be able to get a few people to join but that’s not the answer. The answer is all of the public and collaborative efforts I’ve displayed. They have given me plenty of feedback to work with.

I now know what has worked and what hasn’t. Therefore, I have motivation and direction.

You too can use the darkness for the deepest of work and the light as a periodic experiment (it’s never the end in the impact space).

Collaborate consistently. Test frequently. You’re well on your way to greatness.