You Do You - How to Spend Time Doing What You Love
What is time well spent? It’s different for everyone. It’s unique and extremely important. It’s you.
The most fulfilled people spend their time well. They do what brings them joy. They don’t have to look for happiness. They live it. It’s infectious.
I get it, we’re quarantining. Fun these days lives on web conferences. Zoom is booming. Have you ever tried Jackbox Games?
Maybe we need to go back to the good ol’ days and try some board games. Catan any one? Wait, that’s not that old. How about Chess or some playing cards?
The lesson learned by a search for enjoyment is that the human mind often considers relativity. The desire to enjoy oneself is natural. It’s good. It makes you want to take some sort of action to improve your situation.
Unfortunately, you can’t do something you like all the time. I define things that you like as activities with a finite period of time that are enjoyable to participate in.
There are two reasons why you can always be doing something you like. One is, things you like end. If they were never ending, they wouldn’t be very special. They would lose their luster. Have you ever got a little antsy during a five hour vgame of Monopoly? Also, most people have responsibilities. There are other things that need to get done. Can’t wait to empty the dishwasher later…
I strongly believe that the words “love” and “like” are too frequently interchanged. We’ve defined things you like, but love is greater. Something you love provides a stronger benefit than just a “good time”. Something you love is also more than an activity. It’s a situation, a state of being, a feeling, and a mindset. It CAN be perpetual.
I cannot stress enough the power of knowing what you love. It’s hard. It seems many people aren’t able to identify what they love (this is different than “who”).
A lot of people could give you a long list of activities they like. Even applying the quarantine lens, I was able to come up with some things rather quickly.
I would encourage you to think about all the discretionary things you normally spend money on. Many of these things will most likely be activities seeking enjoyment. It could be going out to eat, a movie, golf, bowling, or maybe and item such as a video game.
It’s easy to come up with the “likes”. Skip that. Brainstorm the loves.
Here’s a list to stimulate the brain:
Bringing joy to your family
Helping people with addiction
Providing food for less fortunate people
Helping people find adequate housing
Sharing your knowledge with many people
Helping endangered animals
Taking care of the environment
Leading a team
Supporting someone or group
Learning
This is certainly not a an exhaustive list. Any you might realize that many of these things could include things you like. They could also include activities that aren’t that enjoyable. However, you could still love doing whatever it is. You love it because you know they results. You know the outcome brings joy and fulfillment.
For example, my wife and I have had multiple opportunities to serve internationally with Habitat for Humanity through their Global Village Program. This is an amazing opportunity to do something I love. The program is designed to help provide adequate housing for everyone. It is deserved. My construction skills are extremely limited. I have a sliding glass door to my patio that has been squeaking for three months. What do I do? Get used to the noise and move on with life, right? I don’t like handy activities. But I LOVE helping people build their home.
Love is powerful. You’d be surprised the things you might find yourself doing when it relates to what you love.
I love communicating. Some might say I like it too much. What I haven’t considered myself in life, is a writer. But, the love of sharing a message with as many people who will read or listen has led me to blogging and podcasting (and recording videos and “going live” and anything else that communicates).
When I was sixteen years old I went on a mission trip with nine people. I didn’t want to go. You know that feeling you get when you are supposed to do something, you feel obligated, but you really don’t want to do it? I felt the most extreme, adolescent, puberty multiplied version of this.
Why did I not want to go? I’m not really sure. It has something to do with leaving home, strange (or at least I thought they were, they probably thought the same of me) people, and biking.
The trip I was set to participate in was a musical bike tour with Spoke Folk. It’s a mission trip designed to teach high school and college students how to be better missionaries in their daily lives. Whoa. That was a bit much for a sixteen year old kid.
The only thing I am worse at than construction is music (and I think biking rounds out my bottom three skills). I’m not sure if my parents knew this and wanted to challenge me, or just wanted to get rid of me for twelve days. I’m an only child. Maybe, this had something to do with it.
Needles to say, I committed to traveling to Ohio for this trip. I was miserable for the first couple days. Weird people. Instruments. Bicycles. What’s a derailleur?
After those first couple days, things changed. I almost forgot that we were there to bike and sing. Actually, we weren’t there for those things. We were there to build relationships and communicate. I found myself learning amazing things about unique people (those on the trip and those we came contact with).
By the end of the trip I had developed some amazing bonds with people I still communicate with to this day over twenty years later.
After our trip, our church had a celebration of what the youth did that summer. We had to present to the congregation! What kind of celebration is this!? I think the parents (mine and one other pair in particular) didn’t expect much. After all, I probably came home and was silent for a week. Isn’t that how a teenager tells his or her parents that the trip was great?
See "Adolescent Psychology: What Makes Teens Different, And How Can Psychology Help?" By Joy Youell. Take note of what adolescents are more likely to do and the Parent-Child Dynamic. This explains young Bob pretty well.
Despite these expectations, myself, and the Reverend Billy Brath thoroughly surprised our parents with some energetic emceeing in front of a hundred people.
I learned that sometimes you have to step out of your comfort zone (I’ll save more thoughts on this for a later entry).
I figured out that communication in various forms is an amazing things. I did some things that I otherwise do not like for twelve days and it added up to some thing I love. In fact, my wife and I still participate in Spoke Folk (although not this summer, COVID!) To this day. Actually, they entrust us to lead trips now (hard to believe, right Mom?).
Doing extraordinary things for a greater cause does not always have to be a fight or flight response. It can be thoughtful, time consuming, and deeply intentional.
It is important to find that love. You’ll notice a lot of things can be more bearable (or even enjoyable) when there is a greater purpose behind things.
I recently had a conversation on Speaking of Impact with Nate Salley (audiblecoachingandconsulting.com) and we talked about the saying, “You’ll never work a day in your life if you love what you do?”. This is and “oldie”, but a “goodie”.
I don’t expect everyone to have a career that is constantly giving them joy, but it’s possible. This leads me to another cliche. “It’s about the journey, not the destination”. Just like teenage Bob being sent off to Ohio to bike and sing, you have to consider everything else that it takes to reach the goal.
Take the time to find what you love. Then, spend time on it. Dig in. Find out why you love it, who else loves it, what you have in common with those people, how you can participate in it, and how your skills can help advance the the concept. This is not a reaction. It’s an intention.
Once you’ve found this love and examined it, you’re more likely to identify things related to it. You’ll find things that may not have previously been enjoyable for you that can immediately be more likable.
I know that it is important for the human mind to find joy. So, why don’t we spend more time looking for it? I think it’s because believe we are already looking for it. We are searching for “likes” (not the social media types, but many are searching for those as well) expecting them to provide true joy.
Rather than search for “likes” whenever you have the chance, identify your “loves” and enjoy those as much as possible. This is a process (a journey, remember?). It will take time to shift your time expenditures more towards those “loves”. I suggest finding someone or a community to do it with.
Don’t go it alone. The human mind also values a sense of community. Explore your Prefrontal Cortex with some help from the science of psychotherapy.com.
I suppose that more joyful people in the world will make it a better place to live. Let’s send joyful people to every corner of the Earth.
You do you.