Is it Your Fault or a Problem?
I have been talking a lot about asking people good questions lately.
I think that communication is the most important skill in life. Questions are a big part of this. Not only do they seek information but they also provide it. They can send a great message if delivered well.
See last week’s E-Impact 101 for a great “question” for people when you haven’t seen them recently.
With all of the information about asking others questions (E-Impact 62 has some examples), I thought I’d talk about the questions we should ask ourselves.
Self-Talk
It may because I am an only child and imagination was necessary when I was younger (it still is sometimes during my days alone in the house). I definitely had an imaginary friend.
The Atlantic has a great article explaining Why Kids Invent Imaginary Friends. It’s a healthy thing in my opinion.
Nowadays, my wife thinks I’m nuts when she hears me talking to myself. I tell her that I’m not talking to myself. I am talking to other people (or animals) that I know can’t hear (or understand) me. I’m kind of “testing” my thoughts. I’m asking myself, “How does this sound aloud?”
I think if you spent time with me in person and I didn’t do this practice before entering social situations, you’d hear some pretty strange things (hopefully not too offensive). It’s really a good filter.
Self-talk is powerful. I never really studied it until recently and it turns out that I use it all the time. I believe it stemmed from playing sports. When you are in a highly competitive situation, every little bit of encouragement helps and strengthens your belief that you can be successful. I still find myself doing it, even in my amateur workouts and pick up frisbee games.
Ask Yourself
When not in ultra-competitive athletic situations, self-talk can still work. It’s just a bit different. You aren’t pumping yourself up as much as evaluating your ideas and figuring out what’s worth executing on.
A lot of impactmakers are visionary people with lots of ideas. This is a blessing but can also be a curse. If you have a million ideas and only a few actions, you’re missing the boat.
Every idea that you have is not good. In fact, some of them are terrible. I had a restaurant idea once. Boy am I glad that it never came to fruition.
Part of the evaluation of process of the ideas comes in the form of self-questioning. Apparently, The Self-Questioning Strategy exists as a reading comprehension tool. This is not exactly what I am getting at but it’s related.
Asking yourself the right questions about your visionary ideas is a way of comprehending exactly what is involved in your ideas. This is very helpful because the mind tends to move faster than you can evaluate.
Taking the time to ask yourself questions is very worth it. In reality, it’s better spent time than the back half of your visioning. E-Impact 50 talks about the importance of visioning and how to have a session. I’d say err on the side of shorter with your sessions. You can always “go back” for more ideas.
Cut your visioning short and and ask yourself some questions about your ideas.
On the Fly
I went to the Florida Panthers, Tampa Bay Lighting playoff game this past Thursday. I think hockey is the best sport to watch live. Part of the reason why is that the action doesn’t often stop.
Line changes are done “on the fly”. This means that players are subbed in and out of the game while it’s still going on with no stoppage in play (there are stoppages for other reasons of course).
The game would be too scripted if it had to stop every time players were changed.
But, what about scripting your life? The more you can plan things the better and your impact project certainly benefits from limiting surprises. However, you can’t expect things to play out exactly how you expect in all scenarios.
There are going to be times where you have to adjust “on the fly.”
Be Hard On Yourself
This may not fit in with the self-care crowd, but I believe you should be hard on yourself - at least when you are working on highly leveraged ideas that affect other people.
You can’t assume that all of your ideas are great or the situations that you’ve orchestrated are full proof. And perhaps most importantly, you have to suppress your ego.
Do not pretend that it couldn’t be your fault. In fact, I like the practice of assuming it’s your fault first. It shouldn’t be your fault the majority of the time (so this isn’t a timesaver) but it’s a good way to rule out a false accusation that could seem self-serving.
There’s nothing worse than the last minute pivot to avoid blame.
Being hard on yourself, at least in this context, does not mean punishing yourself for something wrong. It means holding yourself to high standards and expecting success. If you do mess up, that’s okay. Learn from it (you can quit being hard on yourself at that point).
In the Moment
The best leaders are able to be hard on themselves on the fly. Take the previous to sections of this entry and combine them for a critical ability.
Businesses, families, impact projects, and other groups can all benefit from leadership and people that are able to consider their own mistakes as they are happening.
If you can identify faulty logic in an idea during a visioning session, terrific. If you figure it out after a period of time, that’s helpful too. But what is most critical is doing it in the moment.
When there is an “in the moment” issue, you have to ask yourself a questions.
“Is it your fault or is it problem?”
In other words, was it something in the plan or system that you laid out or is there an outside problem that you need to fix?
This is a critical point in your efforts. It’s where you have to decide between a few different reasons and actions.
1. You messed up in the planning and the project needs to be postponed or even canceled.
2. There’s a problem that needs to be fixed and then you and your team can continue.
3. There’s a problem that can’t be fixed at the moment and you need to take a further look.
This may seem like a time consuming process for big projects and irrelevant to an individual or small group. It’s not.
You really do this sort of thing on a daily basis when making decisions. I’m attempting to formalize it a bit and make sure it happens in higher leverage situations - times where maybe nerves or emotions can get in the way.
Your daily decisions in the moment when deciding what to eat or cook involved a similar process but you’ve done them so many times. Other people’s well-being is not on the line so you are less likely to be careless or rushed.
Reminders
Just like any new habit or practice, you have to repeat it consistently to be successful.
Planning is an ongoing process be reminded.
Here’s the good news (or bad news depending on how you look at it). You’re going to make plenty of mistakes and find lots of problems in your efforts.
You are already finding opportunities to apply the questions. You just have to remind yourself.
One thing that I find helpful is to periodically check the basics that have been laid out when going through a process.
A high leverage example can be taken from James Clear’s Atomic Habits. I’ve mentioned this book multiple times and quoted it in Personal Finance in a Public World.
Clear mentions how Japanese rail workers call out signals when the trains are running. They can seem redundant and even useless at times but they are consistent with their calls even in the most routine situations as a safety measure. They need to be so used to what happens that even the slightest variance alerts them of a potential problem. Their rate of mistakes is astoundingly slim.
Just like the Japanese railway employees, we should have systems that check the basics frequently. I find that some of the biggest mistakes happen in the most basic of stations.
The best example I have in my life is when I broke my collarbone. You may have heard the story but here’s the short version again:
I was playing frisbees at Youth Night with a few adults and mostly teenagers. A routine frisbee throw was made to me and I got a bit lazy running under the disc. Instead of twisting my body and to catch it with one extended arm, I decided to keep jogging and let it all into my arms over my shoulder. I was too nonchalant and stumbled as the parking lot pavement rose slightly. I knew I was going down, but it was too late to “ask myself any questions” and I tried to tuck and roll. I was moving too fast and the tuck ended up being quite an impact on the back of my shoulder. The end of my clavicle took the brunt of it.
If I had been more cognizant of my footwork and looked where I was going, it never would have happened. I lost track of my foundation when the frisbee flew a bit farther than normal.
Doing Your Best
Doing your best is not about being perfect. It’s about doing as best as you can to be successful.
This reminds me of Vince Lombardi’s, “Perfect practice makes perfect” comment. See E-Impact 30.
Part of having the “perfect” impact project or organization is just minding the smaller details on a consistent basis and asking yourself the hardest questions, which are ironically related to the simplest things.
It would be a lot more embarrassing to trip and fall on a flat surface than to stumble running down a rocky mountain. In fact, the former situation might yield some laughs and that latter would make people concerned for your health.
It can be hard to admit that something is your fault, but don’t skip that step. Make sure an external problem is indeed that before placing blame or seeking a solution.
Your best is acknowledging your worst.