Options Vs. Limitations
We all want options. It’s what you say when you’re an executive in demand or a bachelor. It’s also what they say money gives you.
I spend a lot of my time dealing with other people’s money. Interestingly, I don’t spend a lot of time on my own money. It’s partially because of time and partially because I’ve been able to develop a healthy relationship with it. Personal Finance In a Public World led me to realize that your relationships in life are most important to being joyful - and it’s not just your interpersonal ones. The ways you see money, possessions, health, and your work are also key.
The way you define the quality of a relationship is not about the amount of time you spend on it. Specifically with money, I’ve worked with some people over the years that spend large amounts of time thinking about their finances. They think about the amount, making some, debts, paying the bills, taxes, and a host of other related topics. It’s not healthy.
What’s your relationship with money like?
Don’t get me wrong, you should think about your money, make plans, and attempt to be the best steward of it you can. However, there is a point where the volume of thought does not help. This concept holds true in other areas of life as well. I like to think I have a healthy marriage to Mrs. DePasquale. We dated and were engaged long distance. The amount of time we spent together prior to our wedding was limited but that didn’t reduce the quality of our relationship. What was most important was the presence when we were together and prioritizing good decisions related to said time.
Financial Freedom
The concept of financial freedom seems to be more popular than ever before. I believe it has to do with the ability to travel (coronavirus pandemic not withstanding) and work online.
The fact that it is easier to work from everywhere these days can be considered good or bad but for the purposes of this blog entry, let’s assume it’s good for productivity. People now have a taste of “freedom” as they can earn a living in their pajamas or on a plane if they like. In fact, I’m typing this from a packed fifteen passenger van on the way to Rock the Universe with a bunch of high schoolers.
Side note: I would say I should be deepening relationships with them but it’s oddly quiet and it’s going to be a late night (morning) so I’ll let them rest. I don’t rest well at 9:54 AM. It’s normally my peak work time.
Speaking of peak work time, this is when you are the most productive and need to be the most efficient. It pays to have limitations to your creative expression during these periods. I’ll get back to this.
The problem with financial freedom is that it doesn’t provide you purpose. And purpose gives you the boundaries you need to truly be free. I know it’s counterintuitive but the most productive people (and I’m not always a fan of that word) are incredible expressive inside of a creative limitation.
Twitter Limits
Twitter is a great example of creative limitation for productivity. An effective 280 (or less) character tweet is more challenging to develop than a 1700-word blog. I just took a shot at myself, yes. These blog entries every week are not challenging to write. It’s a brain dump and I appreciate your diligence in reading them every week. Honestly, it would be impossible to narrow down each into just one tweet but the concept is important.
Perhaps financial freedom itself is not the problem. It might be unrealistic. We can’t expect to find the perfect life when our minds are stressed by decisions. Having more options is not the answer. It’s counterproductive to add required thought energy.
Having options because you have money does not make your life simpler. It adds complexity and lessons freedom.
The unrealistic scenario would be the one where your money makes all the correct decisions for your joy and fulfillment. Ultimately, it’s just a tool and you have to make decisions throughout life.
Options
If you step out of the financial realm, you’ll notice the same principles apply to other parts of life. The more options you have in your personal life, relationships, work, and faith, the more complex things become. You spend more time thinking about things and less acting.
I wish I could be a best friend to one hundred people but it’s impossible. I would be the worst best friend ever if I tried to take on that load.
I wish I could hire one hundred people to work at Initiate Impact and motivate them all to do their best work every day. This would also be impossible and ruin my own motivation.
I wish I could add five new projects to benefit our business. It makes much more sense to add one and perfect it first.
I wish I could read five different devotionals to help my walk with God. I’m better off choosing one and focusing on it’s contents alone.
Options are great when you feel like you don’t have any. A gratitude practice for those you do have is a great tool to avoid the desire for more.
Limitations
I feel well-equipped to write about this subject because I value freedom and trust myself enough to make wise decisions. It’s natural for me to prefer more options over limitations but I’ve learned to find my own limitations.
Unlimited food!
The greatest metaphor I can think of is related to food. I love buffets. My younger self would always choose a buffet over a plated meal. It was because of sheer volume. I just love to eat.
Nowadays, I have to be more careful with what and how much I eat so it’s an easy choice to skip the buffet. However, I have noticed some stress in having to pick from a menu.
You might have thought I was going to say that the buffet provides freedom to eat whatever you want. It was a trick. The buffet actually provides a limitation. You can only eat what’s on the buffet. You thought it was the freedom because you associate freedom with volume (similar to money).
Yes, its great to not have to pay for the amount of food you eat. Just like it’s great to have an unlimited amount of money (financial freedom), or as much time as you would like to spend with a loved one - but this is not quality.
Why do people wait until their parents are older to start spending quality time with them?
Because it feels limited at that point!
Limitations are what provide some urgency and effective time spent, or quality. Don’t replace them with quantity.
You can have a favorite dish at a restaurant and not have to look at the menu but it’s stressful when you go to a place and you have to decide between one hundred items. I find it better to go in knowing you want a salad, sandwich, or entree. That way, you can narrow down the menu significantly. You’re giving yourself some limitations while still avoiding the overindulgence of a buffet.
Another side note:
I have a secret desire to franchise a Golden Corral some day. Consider it a challenge I’m willing to take on some day. Maybe I’ll be able to find a way to limit the overindulgence (time? weight?).
The Winning Combination
It’s not reasonable to have consistent limitations. I realize that there is something to be said for unstructured leisure. Much of what I’ve been saying should be directly applied to your impact work and your general purpose in life.
Impactmakers have a strong desire to use their resources for good and well-timed and well-placed limitations will help you do that.
Taking a break from time to time and eliminating responsibility is good. It’s one thing to limit options so as to limit the use of thought energy but there are times when you need to recharge your thought energy. Otherwise, it doesn’t matter how simple your decisions are. You’ll still find fatigue.
The winning combination of impact is to have the right amount of limitations while also having those times when there is complete freedom. That freedom is not because of unlimited choices but of no choices. This is true leisure. E-Impact 113 and 115 have some good notes about rest.
Since I last mentioned the trip that I am on we stopped to use the bathroom and get gas. And guess what, I had no idea what the schedule was. What a freeing feeling! I have no responsibility (for the driving part of the trip at least). I don’t need to make any decisions. All I have to do is sit in the van and breathe (and write this blog). I can’t tell you how great it feels to not have to make any decisions after a long week of impact efforts.
My winning combination this week definitely includes the hours in the van on this trip. We will drive home tomorrow and I will be doing the same thing.
What are the things in your life that you like to do to recharge?
Here’s a list of things I can think of that people do:
-write (like me)
-read
-listen
-pray
-watch TV
-go to the movies
-exercise
-peruse
-social media scroll (don’t judge)
-cook
-bake
There are so many options.
If you are not sure what to do, just sit in the quiet for a few moments. It’s powerful. Allow yourself to make a simple decision and get up and walk if you get bored.
Take in your surroundings, the sounds, the sights, and maybe even a conversation with someone you encounter.
Once you’ve recharged, it’s time to dive right back in, right? Not so fast. Dive in but with limitations. You have to avoid your habitual desire to find options.
I always plan my next work day, especially Monday, the night before. After the break, whether one night or an entire weekend, the tendency is to revert to the same habits because the mind is rested and you can handle some overindulgence for a period of time. It’s like an empty stomach at the buffet. It can handle a lot of food but that doesn’t make it a good idea to overeat.
Having options is great but your limitations will give you the best focus you’ve ever had.