Bob DePasquale

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Selfish Decisions

This entry is all about selfish generosity.

What does that even mean? It means that the decisions you make are tied directly to you and you have to think about yourself when building a culture of generosity.

I love talking to organizations about how they can experience generosity as a growth factor. I’ve learned that the greatest ones are able to make decisions that they can live with for the long-term (even if they don’t last) regardless of the situation.

Mindset

The most important piece of your decision-making process should be your mindset. That might seem obvious but if you don’t have a focused mindset your filter for decision making is inconsistent. This is why a generous mindset starts with yourself.

This writing isn’t to convince you that the generous mindset is the one to have. I would imagine you’ve already come to that realization if you’re reading here or listening to Speaking of Impact. With that assumption, I’ll describe a process for building a generous mindset from within.

Gratitude

For what are you grateful?

You have something if you’re alive. That is enough to be grateful.

I almost lost my life at age 18 (see my media page or Speaking of Impact episode 1 for the story). I’ve always been appreciative of life itself since then. However, it’s taken time to apply the same logic to other things in life.

For Individuals

You must dedicate time to gratitude every day. Some find it to be a challenge and others consider it to be fake. I can’t deny that those are a possibility. It takes practice like most things.

I don’t think the time of day is a requirement but I like to do it first thing in the morning. The first few activities of my day don’t take much thought. It’s within these five minutes that I have my gratitude time.

If your mornings aren’t that planned, try doing nothing else but thinking about what you have for five minutes. If that doesn’t feel right, then you can take time later in the day. The one time that I don’t suggest is right before bed. There are two reasons:

  1. I use this time for reviewing what happened during the day so it’s already taken up.

  2. The more tired you are, the more ineffective are your thoughts.

Whichever time you choose, it’s a great way to acknowledge that you are blessed to have life and anything else that you do. You might think of family, a home, food, water, friends, and some material things. I would advise concentrating on the non-material things but it’s okay to be appreciative of those.

For Companies

Great leaders will find themselves grateful for what they have in their life and their company. They can then apply the same concept to their work.

Gratitude as a team looks a bit different but it has the same results. Leaders should first encourage gratitude. This is a great way to show that it’s an important practice for their company. That way, celebrating the success of what they do as a group is natural.

Gratitude practices of an organization are a great way to build camaraderie, motivate the team, and learn from what has happened.

I suggest a consistent beginning to all meetings. Take time to acknowledge what was accomplished since the last gathering. Even the simplest of items count. The size of the meeting matters. Obviously, you can’t give 50 people time to talk. Break it up as it makes sense.

The decision to be grateful is a foundation to a generous culture.

Capacity to Give

It’s much more natural to give when you feel you “have”. The grateful mindset yields this feeling.

The next step is to decide to give. Thankfully, it’s natural because no one will force you to give. You can be grateful for all you have and hold onto everything (and I don’t mean just tangible possessions) but The Impactmaker Movement doesn’t attract that mindset.

It’s great to have the desire to be generous and I believe most people have this. Unfortunately, there are many distractions in the world today and you may find yourself believing you don’t have the capacity. Don’t ever fall victim to this mindset.

For Individuals

Lean in to your ability to be a source for people. It could be a source of knowledge, assistance, a product or service, or any other type of goodwill.

Capitalize on the benefits of gratitude and make sure you think of the ways you can best help people. It’s a conscious decision to do this. It’s selfish. Wait, what?

How is thinking of others selfish?

I’ve been clear throughout the existence of this blog that humans have an inherent desire to be helpful to others. Therefore, intentional thought about how your unique skill set can help others is indeed thinking about oneself.

I find it hard to find of scenarios where help is completely one-sided. First of all, you have to put the thought energy in yourself. Secondly, after you give to someone else, you get something back whether tangible or not. It’s a two-way go.

For Companies

The greatest of companies find something to give the world and they pursue this effort relentlessly. It usually starts with one thing and grows as they learn to find out what people need or want and develop more to give.

Nike started with shoes.

Apple started with computers.

Fubu started with hats.

These companies have made plenty of money over the years but the principles of giving still apply. They exist to give people something and because people see what they offer to be valuable they are willing to pay large sums for it.

This is also a two-way transaction.

A corporation’s purpose for giving is going to be different than an individual's. People want fulfillment in life and companies want profits. The purpose of business is to make money. Let’s not sugarcoat it.

A business is an economic vehicle and it grows with revenue and profits. There is nothing wrong with this. In fact, I think it is great and with the proper mindset, a successful company can scale to incredible heights and simultaneously make a tremendous impact on the world.

Entrepreneurs should take close note of this. The fulfillment you desire as a person is the equivalent of money to a business. Perhaps this is why some people in a capitalistic society misconstrue them.

Your measure of sustainability as a human cannot be your net worth and your measure of sustainability as a company cannot be how many people have received your products (what if you sold 100 million for a penny each but your competition sold the same amount for a dollar?).

You are validated by fulfillment (in this context) and driven by impact. Your company (for-profit) is validated by revenue but also driven by impact. Non-profits are unique in that they are both validated and driven by impact (assuming there aren’t ulterior motives in leadership).

Think about the good work a massively profitable company can do. Strive for that. Build your organization’s capacity to give.

Consistency

You’ve dedicated time to the mindset and identified the ability to participate. Now, you have to apply it consistently.

I find this part to be the easiest. But don’t get lazy on me!

a never-ending tunnel of generosity

Consistent mindsets are interesting to me. It seems to take great effort to develop them but they can break down in short order. Thankfully, the generous mindset is different.

I’ve never worried that a person with a generous mindset or a company with a generous culture is going to fall out of it. The only thing I can think of that would really hurt is if leadership took a big turn. This entry is not about building a strong team around you but it should be noted that this is important.

See E-Impact 61 for more on building a strong team.

You can’t drive a consistently generous culture by yourself. And even if you could; what happens if you’re suddenly unavailable?

I’ll assume you don't think you can drive the bus by yourself and forever. Generous cultures and mindsets are different because when you find yourself in them, you’ll never want to leave.

With this in mind, you have to make sure it’s clear that your organization or impact project team has a clearly generous culture for anyone from the outside to see. Actually, it should be so inviting that outsiders don’t seem like outsiders.

An Example of Consistent Culture

One of the best examples of this I have ever seen is related to my first-ever guest on Speaking of Impact. Episode 2 was with Mayi Lenz, my friend and excellent photographer. She took the cover photo for Personal Finance in a Public World!

Mayi is a member of my Toastmasters club (join us Wednesday morning at 7:30 AM eastern time) and an inspiring bilinguist. We both joined the club around the same time. I beat her to it by about a month but I’ll never forget the first day she came to our meeting. She seemed shy, out of place, and a little confused as if she had found the right place or not.

It only took about five minutes but the group (including Carolina from Speaking of Impact episode 6) was so welcoming and generous that Mayi immediately felt as if she was part of the team. She joined that day (it took me three meetings!).

I felt the culture immediately when I started and it was no surprise that Mayi did that day.

Advice

The only advice you need is to keep a keen eye on what other people think of your mindset and your company's culture. Ask yourself:

For You

What do my friends and family think of my demeanor?

Do new connections feel I am a giving person?

For Your Organization

How would a new candidate for a position feel if they experienced a day on the job?

Would a potential customer feel that we intend to serve them generously?

These questions are a great measure of how you are doing. They will tell you if you’ve made the necessary “selfish decisions”.

It turns out that selfishness is actually necessary to be selfless. It matters how you apply it.

Make a selfish decision to prioritize your giving over anything else and you’ll likely lead an organization full of giving and collaborative people.