Greatness’ Best Friend: How to Embrace Fear

Impactmakers want to be great.  We have a passion for a cause and plan to do something about it.  We will not stop until we’ve executed our plan.  It is that desire to succeed that brings about fear.  We are actually afraid of failure.

We have examined humility before in E-Impact.  The resulting lesson was that people prefer the “real” you.  They want to know what’s really going on in your life and in your impact project.  Be public with your efforts. 

Honesty seems pretty easy until you have to admit faults or make your fears known.  Fears are often considered a sign of weakness.  I wholeheartedly disagree.  In fact, I would say they are a sign of strength.   Any weakness only exists in the action you take in response to the fear.  

Just like many of the great habits we examine in E-Impact, what you do in response to fear is developed over time.  Consistent practice in what you want to do in that scenario will lead to the habit you want.  

Fight-or-Flight

The article from Verywellmind, “How the Fight-or-Flight Response Works” by Kendra Cherry has the following quote:

The fight-or-flight response is triggered by the release of hormones that prepare your body to either stay and deal with the threat or run away to safety.

This applies to your physical and mental state.  Most people will not persevere in the mental practice of addressing their fears.  They prefer not to practice.

Unpredictability

I find one key limitation to consistently challenging your fears.  Fear is often unpredictable.  It can come at any time.  The fight-or-flight response appears in an instant.  This means that addressing your fears can’t be “practiced” when it’s convenient.  It has to done when the opportunity presents itself.

In order to combat the unpredictability of fear, we have to expose ourselves to fear.  We must expose ourselves to it frequently as opposed to running from it.  I say this assuming that you’ll do this wisely.  

If the fight-or-flight response kicks when you come upon a shark while swimming, that’s not a great time to “practice” facing your fears.  That’s a great signaling system in your brain that alerts you of danger.  Please choose flight in that situation. 

The Scale of Fear

If we can’t eliminate those unexpected fears, we have to outweigh them.  This means we have to seek out the less dangerous, non-physical perils that are around us.  These type of things don’t necessarily trigger the fight-or-flight response.  There’s no shark.  You’re not doing to die if you face the fear.  But because it is wise to run from the greatest fears, we do.  And the most dramatic experiences provide the most indelible lessons (covered in the December 1, 2020 E-Impact entry).  We are naturally trained to run and associate the act with wise decisions.  

E-Impact 43 breaks down wisdom and knowledge.  It highlights that wisdom comes from experience.  This is why the decision to “run” from a killer shark would be wise.  If you experience that type of fear, you would indefinitely remember the experience and gain wisdom from having been through it.  

The Library

The Library of Wisdom has no capacity limit.

We are actually building a library of wisdom that tells us to avoid perils.  The most extreme, dramatic “books” take precedent.  See this LinkedIn article by Dr. Diane Hamilton: Overcoming Obstacles: 12 Inspiring Stories of Success.  Stories of overcoming illness, homelessness, and injury are powerful.  These stories include extreme perils.  But, they are different.  They include overcoming the obstacles.  The reason why they happened is because the people who overcame had no choice.  What if you were surrounded by sharks and had no choice but to fight?  If you miraculously survived, it would likely be the most indelible memory of your life.  You would have quite an advantage in the battle of positive and negative experiences with fear. 

I am explaining that people who have been through great tragedies are lucky.  I realize that that is a pretty extreme statement and I don’t wish tragedy on anyone.  But if you overcome, you are stronger.  See my Kelly Clarkson example from the August 11, 2020 E-Impact Blog entry.

Don’t seek tragedy.  The lesson here is not to find more extreme fears to tackle.  It’s more about quantity than quality.  Your library needs a large amount of low-drama books of fear.  Habits come with consistency.  Get comfortable with frequent challenging of your fears.  Don’t wait for one huge event to boost your reliance.  Attack as many of the small ones throughout your day as you can.  You’ll begin to develop a habit of greatness.  Your fears will highlight opportunities.  

Small Things/Big Opportunities

My purpose for spreading the message of positive impact is well- chronicled in the first ever episode of Speaking of Impact.  It would be good to listen to it to gather my point in the next few paragraphs.

Cancer is a scary thing.  Yesterday (Friday April 16, 2021), I recorded an interview with Caroline Rose.  She’s a three time survivor of non-Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Yes, three times!  Her body has been through some amazingly tough times.  But, it’s her mind that has been stressed beyond belief.  I will refrain from spoiling her episode which will come out later this year, but it’s safe to say resilience and the habit of facing her challenges are natural to her now.  It’s just what she does.  She “does” life with incredible determination.  

Last week, Speaking of Impact 41 was with Lorie Tesny from the Sailing Through Life podcast (a two-time cancer survivor).  She has a similar perspective.  It’s not really the illness that makes them similar.  It’s what they felt in the repeat experiences that have defined their mindset.  

Each of these ladies now looks at challenges in life as opportunities to try something new, to learn, and to make their situation better.  Being alive is amazing.  They don’t take it for granted.  Ironically, the big hurdles have not made them complacent.  They aren’t satisfied with their current situation.  I have had multiple conversations with them offline.  Not once have I felt that they are mentally done; physically and emotionally yes, but not mentally.  There is a drive to sail, host, speak, write, spread awareness, and fundraise.  Each of those things comes with much frustration and experiential learning.  

A Metaphor for Life

The way that Lorie and Caroline operate drives home the point that we don’t need tragedy to practice great habits around fear.  It’s also a motivator to take things on.  If people like that, and those in the article by Dr. Hamilton can challenge their fears, then so can the rest of us.  The mindset of a cancer survivor that gets bad news for the second time is really indescribable.  It’s another one of those things that you’d have to experience to truly feel.  Just understand that survivor’s know a lot more about what it takes to survive than those who are first diagnosed.  It challenges your mind more.  Believe it or not, a good metaphor is a business person, or impactmaker, that has a problem that they understand well and feel overwhelmed.  While the illness and chemotherapy will not yield empathy, the overwhelmingness can.  

Passionate and driven people cannot get distracted by their own knowledge.  Remember E-Impact 43 referenced above.  Wisdom is way more important than knowledge.  Your knowledge of the challenge produces fear.  You know the shark could attack you, but you haven’t survived an attack.  Lorie and Caroline, know cancer could kill them, but they HAVE survived.  Wisdom lets you know it’s going to be okay.  Lorie and Caroline had no choice.  Unfortunately, you do.  But, you’re not likely to die due to the problem you’ve identified in your business or impact project.  Suppress the fight-or-flight like feelings and embrace the  fear.

Hardball

I told a story about baseball in the September 8, 2020 E-Impact Blog entry.  What I failed to mention is that I used to be terrified of getting hit by the ball.  I am no Hughie Jennings.  I was a left handed fielder.  Thus, when I was younger I played first base.  I hated it.  I could get a line drive off the bat and I also had to catch rockets from the other positions on the diamond whenever someone hit a ground ball.  Then, when I stepped up to the plate left-handed a lefty pitcher was about as intimidating as it got.  

My little league had one stud pitcher.  He was known for being tall and throwing really hard.  Most people were intimidated.  He was a righty though.  I owned this kid.  I had no fear.  However, there was another kid who threw about half the speed but had this nasty left-handed curve ball.  I swear that thing would be 3 feet behind me before dropping in the zone.  I was scared.  There was only one thing that would help me get over the fear.  I had to get hit.  I wasn’t about to lean into one though.   I couldn’t hit the lefty.  

Sometime in the middle of the season I got plunked in the side by another pitcher.  It hurt a little, but I took my base and continued the game.  The next time I faced the lefty with the nasty “hook” I was locked in.  The fear wasn’t gone, but it was welcomed.  It was the first step to developing a good habit at the plate.  I experienced the worst of getting hit and that slow curveball or any other pitch would be nothing compared to my first beanball.  In fact, I wish I would have been hit on the first day of the season.  I would have forced it to happen if I knew the result.  Instead, I waited until I effectively had no choice but to take one in the side.  

Don’t wait to take a pitch in the back.  You know it’s going to hurt, why not just get it over with?  Develop the habit of stepping up to the plate of your challenges.    

Greatness comes with humility and humility acknowledges fear.  Don’t be afraid to share your fears.  They are only there because you know there is a risk.  

Impactmakers express their strength through fear.