Watch Your Behavior

“Watch your mouth!”

I can hear my mother now.  What a terrible feeling when you're the kid who was overheard using foul language and you know you’re going to get punished.

In my parents’ defense, the one time that I really overdid it with my mouth, they gave me a good explanation for why I shouldn’t do that and I learned my lesson.

Unfortunately, I had other issues besides poor language when I was a kid.  My intentions weren’t all that bad.  I was just curious, energetic, and somewhat fearless.

What Your Behavior Says

I studied communications in many forms throughout my higher education.  Verbal language is important and so is non-verbal.  The way you behave encompasses both of these styles.

You are sending a message with what you do regardless if you are saying something.  It’s important to learn this lesson for a young person to thrive in society.

What is self-awareness?

I often address verywellmind.com during these type of entries.  The article “Self-Awareness and Development Types” mentions that at around one year of age, people begin to develop a sense of self-awareness.

I’m going to avoid opining on the anterior cingulate cortex but it’s clear that it has something to do with one’s understanding of self.  

I should note that self-consciousness is some form of advanced self-awareness that is generally assumed to be overboard.  It’s when your awareness has gone too far and turned into worry or something worse. 

It’s clear that humans were designed to understand their behavior and how it is affecting the world around them.  However, I fear that with too much stimulation, we begin to tune out even our own thoughts and feelings. 

Your behavior is saying something and you should not ignore it. 

Social Constructs

Members of a society learn the social norms as they grow up.  Each society has its own unique characteristics and that’s something that makes the world fascinating.  

There are so many ways to “do life”.  Traveling to different countries is one main thing that has allowed me to understand this.  I have seen how 30+ different societies operate.  There are certainly some things that over lap - for example, smiling or being courteous.

There are also things that some places find acceptable and others don’t.  I grew up in South Florida where the international influence taught me that greeting someone with a kiss on the cheek was normal.  I realized pretty quickly when I met my wife’s family from Michigan that I shouldn’t be kissing her or anyone else any time soon.

I believe socially acceptable actions become so natural for people that they don’t even have to think about them.  They’re just part of life.  It’s different when you’re a foreign tourist and you are warned to assure you practice certain things and have to constantly remind yourself.

What’s Natural

I’m going to assume that if you are reading this you are beyond puberty but if not, I commend you for thinking about how you can positively impact that world even before your mind and body have fully matured.

As adults, we have likely learned all of the socially acceptable and necessary things that we need at this point.  They are natural and we now focus our efforts on surviving and hopefully thriving with our family and loved ones.

But, we are impactmakers, so there is a calling to focus on the needs of others in addition to our own.  I should stress that it is “in addition to” and not “in place of”.  

Don’t sacrifice your own well-being!

How about E-Impact 69 for how to “nap” for self-care?

It’s natural for us to think about the needs of others.  Unfortunately though, we don’t always know what to do.  You can’t expect to.

The Imapctmaker Movement is not about always knowing what to do.  It’s about always having the desire to figure out what to do - especially when others don’t.

It’s harder than you might think to describe something that is so natural.  The same applies for social constructs.  Why do you greet people with a handshake (or kiss here in SoFlo)?  That seems like a silly question because everyone does it all the time (coronavirus pandemic not withstanding).  

At the same time, no one is trying to figure out how to fix greetings.  The same applies for positive impact.  If it’s not broken, don’t fix it.  If someone is already effective addressing an issue, seek to help if you can, but there’s no need to reinvent the wheel.

What’s natural to us is to address what hasn’t been.  

Natural, Not Easy

I’ve said on many occasions that impactmaking ain’t easy.  I commend you for joining me on this journey.

This entry is for those who are naturally inclined to see an external need but maybe struggle to find the internal direction needed to take action.

I find that there are a lot of “Type A” motivated, high achievement focused, individuals who are actually paralyzed.  You would think their high motor just keeps going.  It does but sometimes there are road blocks.

Impact road blocks happen because of distraction and in some cases burnout.  E-Impact 72 addresses burnout and there are plenty of online resources.  For the purposes of this writing, we will assume burnout is not the cause.

Distractions either prevent us from doing what we do best or they make it hard to realize how productive our work actually is.  It can be very hard to pursue positive impact activities regardless of how natural they may seem.

Classifying Your Activities

I recommend that you identify where you spend your time (use a model week calendar or time chart) and classify items as either necessary, voluntary, or temporary.

Have you ever calendared all your activites?

This exercise could take weeks because most people don’t have an exact routine on a daily basis.  Weekends often look a lot different than weekdays.  A good rule of thumb for simplicity is to not count holidays and random occurrences or emergencies.  This is life and we know that things happen.

The design behind this activity is not to make you a robot but to get an understanding of how you feel about the time you have (not necessarily the activities, we’ll get there).

We start with a bird’s eye view of your life.  Break your time out by identifying general activities such as, eating, exercising, worshipping, praying, working, driving, cleaning, playing with kids, etc.

There are no specific categories just lay them out as you feel.  Once you have them identified (whether in 5 minutes or 5 days), categorize them.

Necessary things are those that have to be done whether because you can’t survive without them (sleeping or eating) or you can’t imagine not doing them (time with family).

Voluntary things are usually entertainment, charitable, or things that could potentially be done by someone else if you wanted.

Temporary things are those that aren’t likely to continue forever but take a significant amount of time and should be noted (taking care of an ill relative or a side job).

Evaluating Your Actions With Behavior

Great.  You’ve classified your activities.  Now, it’s time to evaluate.

Start with the temporary items and mark each thing as “joy” or “jam”.  

“Joys” are things that you enjoy doing.  “Jams” are things that make you feel like you're stuck in a traffic jam (or anything else undesirable), distractions if you will.  

If you’re not sure, it’s a jam.  The goal is to have less joys - no really, less is more here.

The great thing about temporary items is if they are undesirable, they will be gone eventually.  If something is a joy, set it “aside”.

Next, tackle the unnecessary.  If its a jam and you don’t have to do it - stop doing it!  If it’s a joy, set it aside.

Finally, work through the necessary tasks.  Set aside the joys.

If you find yourself with a long list of joys, you are going to have to pair it down and at risk of offending some people, you might be a pleasure seeker that needs to figure out the unique things that bring the most pleasure to you specifically (separate from things that the world may say are desirable).

The jams that are temporary will be gone and the unnecessary things you can eliminate.  The necessary jams can potentially change as well but you have to accept those and do our best to be efficient.  

The joys are what are going to give you the direction you need to take action.

Impact is Coming

The goal with the previous exercise is two fold; to free up time to allocate towards the things that are the most energizing (more energy equals more impact) and to identify how you can make positive changes in your world.

The most joyful joys are the things that you do consistently and would do them whether you had to or not.  You are great at them because of your consistent effort.  You spend plenty of time on them and your experience is great.  

You are naturally inclined to spend time on the enjoyable things and your gifts and skills lie in those areas.  

You know what?  You are unique and not everyone’s gifts and skills are the same.  Therefore, your joys are a special combination.  There are plenty of people out there who don’t share your joys.  

Your joys are their jams!

One of the best ways for me to describe things is to tell you what they are not.  This is a similar concept to not being able to describe what a social construct is but being able to say what it’s not.  

I know just enough to tell you my jams but because they are not enjoyable I don’t know enough to actually explain what they really are.  It’s easier for me to tell you what they aren’t.  And the great news is that there is someone out there who actually enjoys handy work around the house.

You can make a great impact on someone’s life, or maybe the world, just by looking for ways to use your joys - a great source of positive impact energy.

Apply your joy to benefit others, impactmakers.

Watch your behavior!