Emotional Wealth is More Important than Financial
I put out a tweet once that included that “click-baity” hook, “I love money!”. I’m not sure how it performed but I knew it would catch some attention from the small audience I had.
The thing about social media that keeps us coming back is the dopamine. It provides some sort of approval. You might argue that it’s healthy for our emotions to get positive feedback. However, if our lives are focused solely on the quick “wins”, we are bound to suffer in the long run.
I did a tremendous amount of research about the emotional psychology of digital technology for my book, Personal Finance in a Public World. I hesitate to give you a spoiler or even discredit the needs for wise financial decisions in your life, but healthy emotions are paramount to just about anything in life.
The “Feel-Good” Hormone
Cleveland Clinic has a pretty detailed, yet understandable breakdown of what dopamine is. I find this neurotransmitter, often referred to as the “feel-good” hormone to be fascinating. It can control your life whether you know it or not.
The most interesting thing that I uncovered about dopamine is that it is so strong that it is often present even prior to something that provides pleasure. Some examples of this are the excitement you might have before something as simple as a meal or as big as a vacation.
Just this morning, my wife and I were having a conversation about our plans for the holiday season this year. At one point, we had to pause the chat for a moment and I realized I had a slightly elevated heart rate and strong desire to keep talking about it. I didn’t want to keep talking about it because I like shopping for flights or researching new cities, but because I enjoy actually traveling to new places and seeing new sites. Dopamine was present.
This raises the age old question, “What comes first the chicken or the egg?”. I would say the body has an amazing ability to recall previous thoughts and emotions. My mind knows what it feels like to experience tourism and so just thinking about it brings back some of those feelings (dopamine). I’m no scientist, but I would say you have to experience it first before you can recall it.
Sustainability
The parallels between money and emotions are abundant. Another concept related to both is sustainability. In my professional life, I spend some time researching impact investments. Many of these are focused on sustainable practices. In other words, I’m working with people who want their financial resources to support causes and companies that take care of people and the Earth with long term viability in mind. It’s a noble practice.
See Speaking of Impact episodes 8, 35, and 108 for some detailed conversations about sustainable and impact investing.
Impact Investing has gained traction in recent years.
In addition to finances, I think it is just as important to have sustainable emotional practices in our lives. Most things are only good in moderation and I think it can be tough to live by that practice.
In regards to my tweet that I mentioned above, social media apps tend to reward immediacy. It’s known that the sooner you have likes and comments on a post, the better it does with the algorithm. More people will see it and your message is spread faster. I am very comfortable with meritocracies. I often use sports examples in this blog and that environment is the ultimate meritocracy (or at least the best we have).
You could argue that social media is a great meritocracy because it’s easy to measure how well content does by looking at engagement statistics. However, it is still artificial intelligence and there are ways to manipulate the system. Also, who’s to say that likes are actually an effective measure of merit? It’s very subjective.
It’s not sustainable to seek short term dopamine hits. It will mess with your emotions. Just like anything, the mind adapts and what was once extremely satisfying, is now mildly satisfying, and what was once mildly satisfying may not be at all.
Perhaps a flaw of The Impactmaker Movement is that the driven people who make up the group (you and me) aren’t great at being satisfied. We are among the most susceptible to increased reliance on positive feedback.
Comparing Impact and Social
I hesitate to make this comparison but I think it is necessary to challenge you. Your impact project, work, or generous efforts are very similar to a growing social media account. The thanks you receive from benefactors and the praise you receive from their parties are your “likes”. They feel good and they come fast when you have success.
My personal experience with impact and dopamine comes from Spoke Folk. Read E-Impact 62 for more about this ministry organization that my wife and I met through and still participate in.
Spoke Folk tours are truly an emotional high. You struggles through some challenging mental and physical things with a group of motivated people. By the end of the twelve day trips, you are emotionally and spiritually filled. The affirmations and dopamine are flying around like they are going out of style. When you return home, families of your fellow tour mates pour on even more praise and you feel like a million bucks (see there’s money popping up again).
Every year I feel my emotions rise when I anticipate the next Spoke Folk tour. I know the dopamine has kicked in. Unfortunately though, it doesn’t last forever. It can lead to some long days leading up to a trip and even worse, what we call the “Spoke Folk Blues”. This happens a few weeks after your trip is over and you get back to “real life”. It’s a challenging time because you miss your friends and those emotional highs while also having other, not as enjoyable, things going on in life. Sadly, some of those things could actually be fun - just not as much as Spoke Folk.
It feels terrible uncomfortable shedding a bad light on my favorite organization in the world. But, I have to be honest about my experience. It’s like I have this viral tweet every summer only to go back to my Lehman’s Twitter account shortly after.
Over the years I have been able to navigate the “Spoke Folk Blues” and the emotional impact efforts. It’s actually easier than that of social media because you have more control over yourself than the algorithms.
Take Control
In talking with my friend Joe Nolan, who I interviewed for my book, I learned a lot about how to maximize social technology. Joe is the founder and CEO of Jono Marketing. His work requires that he make algorithms work for his clients. He says the first thing that you can do is give “them” money. Of course, back to the money again. But after your money, there are certain strategies that you can use to make sure you are getting the best exposure you can. However, things are always changing and there is a reason you should hire the team at Jono to stay on top of things.
Imagine if someone else could control your thoughts.
When it comes to taking control of your emotions, it’s different than social media or finances because there is no “central bank” of minds. You can find more about central bank, how they control the monetary system, and how digital technology controls information transfer in the book.
Each of us has the ultimate privacy and proof of our thoughts. This is great news but also a lot of pressure. It’s up to you to manage emotions and there are no excuses or lack of control.
You can do this by identifying what is sustainable and what is most important. We have a tendency to overestimate the value of new and simple things. It’s just easier for the brain to connect joy with things that happen easily and fast. The best example I can think of this is Tik Tok, Instagram Reels, and YouTube Shorts. This format is taking over social because the content is simple and fast. In fact, the simplest and fastest content is known to perform the best. It’s a fight for ever increasing pace. Tik Tok has blown up because it’s the most dopamine abundant content.
It’s too easy to scroll a feed on your phone. It is usually the perfect distraction from other things and life. It gives you immediate repeated sources of pleasure and even if one video doesn’t cut it, you can skip it after a millisecond and move on to the next in search for more pleasure. Your brain is tricked into thinking that’s the best source.
Thinking about the vacation that my wife and I were talking about, I know I would much rather experience that then a few more Tik Tok videos but it could be easy to be mistaken. I should be spending time on things that will allow that trip to happen rather than “rabbit holing” social media videos.
You must take control. Document the things that are most important in your life and make sure it’s never a question as to what they are. I recommend keeping a goal sheet, notebook with important thoughts, or an accountability partner that keeps you on track.
Control is less about forcing outcomes and more about executing healthy habits.
Do These Things
Here’s some practices I find to be best for building emotional wealth.
Daily gratitude time to start (or end) each day - give thanks for what you have
Affirming others - offering praise (and maybe some dopamine) to others is surprisingly healthy for your own emotional sustainability
Try new things - this is not to chase immediate pleasures but to find other things in life and diversify your sources of joy
Embrace sadness - it’s healthy to be sad sometimes just as it’s healthy to be happy sometimes, don’t run from the times dopamine is absent
Participate in communities - don’t be a loner, meaning interact with groups and be part of something bigger than yourself, it’s okay to spend time by yourself but not as an escape
This is just a start, but a strong one. Each of these things acknowledges more than one thing. They are designed to spread your experiences among many things. Sustainability is not about finding the perfect solution to anything. It’s about having a diverse set of options.