Have you ever asked someone for honest feedback but then regretted it because of their cynic response?

There’s a special role for the cynic in your life. Impactmakers tend to be collaborative people and you may not consider yourself very cynical but it’s good to have a different type of energy in your life. However, you can’t serve a collaborative leadership role with a cynical mindset.

The Team Player

You’re called to be a leader but also a team player. It’s easy to try and will your mission to completion when you are motivated to do something great. However, it’s just not sustainable.

There will be times when you lose hope in what you and your team are doing. This is not the time to take over yourself. The cynic would say you really can’t avoid your own selfish motives to take over.

No self-respecting person that calls himself “The Generosity Guy” could have a cynic bone in his body. I have to be a team player. I do, however, consider myself a realist so it’s an interesting combination.

I’m willing to admit that all of us have selfish motives but I don’t believe that each of us must display them in everything we do. In other words, I think it’s imperative that we continue to put ourselves in the most selfless of environments and always strive to be a team player.

The best leaders are the best team players.

Don’t Lose Hope

The moment you lose hope is the moment that your inner cynic takes over. It’s not just that you think other people are fully motivated by selfish gain. It’s that you think there is no one on Earth who would consider doing anything for anyone else on their own volition.

We acknowledge there are plenty of problems in the world that need to be solved but we also believe that there are enough impactmakers out there to make progress. We have hope because it’s a team effort.

We can’t do it alone. Remember what Jason Peterson said in Speaking of Impact episode 100.

My Birthday Wishes

I recently celebrated a birthday. I’m typically a social being and can remember some great parties and celebrations with my friends over the years. However, this year was a bit different. I was really looking for a low-key day. I knew I had to take my friends to the airport at about six in the morning. We had to go to MIA which is about 45 minutes away on a normal day. There was some incredible flooding for a couple of days and so we knew we’d have to plan for some traffic.

I’m not looking for any praise but I was definitely not being cynical in my willingness to be up at that hour driving to the airport on my birthday. My friends were very thankful and wished me a happy birthday.

In addition to the friends that took me to the airport, I also received plenty of birthday wishes from other people in my life. Social media really makes it easy to be reminded of birthdays and to send a message to someone on their special day.

I fully support a direct message on a social media platform as long as it’s meaningful. Unfortunately, I think I received 100 not-so-meaningful birthday messages on LinkedIn specifically. I hate to bash a platform that has been good to me over the last few years but it must be said.

Cynical Happy Birthday?

I would assume it’s LinkedIn’s attempt to get people to interact with each other and build relationships but it just seems so cynical. Most of the people that wished me a happy birthday were people I had not messaged with since last year’s birthday or a work anniversary. I can’t accuse these people of being nefarious but they’ve either set up some auto messenger or find the “one-click” messages to be too easy to pass up.

These people likely don’t wish me any harm but it’s as if they think wishing me a happy birthday will help them build a stronger network. They could at least ask how I’m doing.

The Benefit of the Doubt

I’m highly sensitive to a cynic nature as alluded to above. Therefore, I give everyone the benefit of the doubt and I respond cordially to their wishes. In some cases, I even ask how they are doing. None of the conversations have gone very deep but at least it’s a try.

Just Lunch

I went out to eat with a friend about two months ago. It was a simple meet-up at a no-so-fancy establishment. This person is one of the most friendly and caring people I know. They have always been the type of person that would give you the shirt off their back or more if needed. I’m certainly not drawn to cynicism in their presence.

It wasn’t fancy but it was a great meal.

There was an interesting moment while we were eating. We had already spent about thirty minutes catching up and they asked me, “So was there any other purpose of this meeting?”. I answered with a simple “No. I just wanted to catch up.”

We continued a great conversation and probably spent two hours talking. I thought after the meeting that it was possible my giving friend was used to other people having selfish motives. I didn’t get that feeling at the moment and never would from them but sometimes, it can be tough being a generous person.

This situation may have arisen for you before. I would hate to see you be taken advantage of but it’s a legitimate question to ask about someone’s motives for something. With that being said, my friend’s question was completely warranted and I believe it to have been their attempt to make sure I was able to cover everything I wanted to discuss (another selfless act).

The Little Things

I believe it’s the small habits that best define our motives. It’s the extremes that often bring out the worst of us.

We get greedy when the most money is on the line.
We binge eat at the buffet.
We ask for more from people who show a propensity to give.

There’s nothing abnormal about these things. In fact, I would say it’s generally healthy to capitalize on the best opportunities. You have to be aware that these situations do not define people, though.

There are much worse things than canned birthday wishes on LinkedIn. I’m sure the majority of those people have good intentions and I also believe that a good portion of them don’t understand social media DM etiquette or may not even realize their system is sending out those messages.

Concern

There is a point at which you should have some concerns. People who truly believe that everything should be a transaction are looking to gain something from every interaction. It’s okay to lose hope in them.

You could say something to them or even try to change them over time but my experience tells me that this is a waste of time (unless it’s your job or role as a parent or mentor). The young mind often defaults to gain and it’s good that someone learns to take care of themself first. Eventually, they must learn the virtues of selflessness. Outside of this, it’s tough to justify spending a lot of time trying to change the thought process of a selfish person.

This is why cynics serve a purpose in society. They refuse to waste time on people’s motives. They are on to the next thing and comfortable with others’ motives.

Balance

You have to find the right balance once you’ve realized when it’s appropriate to be concerned. I mentioned above the importance of being a team player when you lead. It would be hard to support a team if you thought none of them cared about anything but themselves.

The first step to leading a selfless team is to find the right people for the team. E-Impact 61 has more on recruiting a good team. We'll assume you’ve taken those steps for the purposes of this entry.

The natural human desire to support oneself will always be evident. You can’t ask people to always suppress these - even in the impact space. But, you can monitor their habits and the “little things”. Look at things such as:

how they treat their co-workers
how they treat guests and customers/beneficiaries of your services
how they handle resources
what they do with their “free” time

There’s no perfect formula but it’s more about consistent habits than the big events. Those high-leverage events can bring out the best and worst in people. People will also learn a lot during those times. Use them as teaching moments and not judging moments. Save your inner cynic and loss of hope for those people that are consistently hoarding resources for themselves and negotiating everything.

What to Do

Don’t panic if you find yourself losing some hope in someone. This entry is just a warning to help you refrain from trying to take over in all challenging situations. It sends the wrong message.

Unfortunately, the people described directly above may require to you jump into action from time to time. They may also make some really tough conversations a need.

Start with the benefit of the doubt and try to help people develop positive, selfless habits. Use teamwork as much as possible and be sure that a collaborative environment is the best weapon you have against selfish habits.

It’s hard to take when everyone else is giving - seems counterintuitive, I know. But we tend to do what others do.

Cynicism is a lack of hope but a lack of hope is only as strong as your teamwork lacks.

Cynicism is a Lack of Hope