Who are you?

The other day I received a direct message from someone talking about a third party.  It was kind of strange.  It wasn’t rude or threatening in any way.  It was just…weird.

It is general practice to introduce yourself when you meet someone or are put in front of a group.  You don’t lead with directions or requests.

My first reaction as the recipient of the message was to ignore it.  But, I’m not one for declining the opportunity to communicate.  I am the type of guy who answers the phone when I don’t know the number.  I even talk with the telemarketers to evaluate their communication skills.  

I responded to the message answering the question that was asked and then added “Who are you?”.  It was important that I knew who was messaging and how they were qualified to make the request that they did.  The person responded and it made sense once I understood the relationship. 

This situation wasn’t that important in the grand scheme of life, but just some basic information would have made things a little less awkward and saved some time.  

Put yourself in the recipient’s shoes when reaching out to someone. 

The Definition of You

Back to my original question.  You are who you are.  You are what you eat.  “They are who we thought they were!”, to quote the immortal Dennis Green (may he rest in peace).  There are plenty of idioms about being.  They all have some relevance, but what’s inside is most important.  

In order to do anything we talk about in E-Impact or on Speaking of Impact, you have to care for yourself deeply.  You must value life, its blessings, its struggles, and do your best to nurture it.  It does no good to have great ideas and not be able to implement them because you are ill (mentally or physically).

The good times are easy.  The bad times are learning experiences.

Once you have self-care down, you can work on who you want to be.  Ask yourself two questions:

1. What do I value (after self-care) most?

2. What am I most qualified to do?

Those things are internal.  They define you.  The answers should be one word.  There can be multiple answers, but they must be simple and can stand alone.  Here are some examples (there are no wrong answers, well there are some that most would agree are inappropriate):

Question 1: love, integrity, environment, faith, family, spouse, children, food, water, language, communication, relationships, business, money, generosity.

Question 2: speak, sell, pray, share, run, play (a game, sport, or instrument), build, write, edit, read, calculate, give, throw, catch, jump, exercise, photograph, lead

What You Do

Once you have narrowed down your lists from each of those two questions to no more than five, ask yourself this third question:

1. How do I want to express these things? These are the ways that you express what defines you. They are statements. For example:

• I open doors for people.

• I great people with a smile.

• I give my time to those in need.

• I donate to charity.

• I respect my leaders.

• I respect those I lead.

• I deliver on my promises.

• I am transparent with my service offering.

• I share my knowledge.

• I speak about justice.

• I write about politics.

• I pray.

• I produce music.

These things are what you do.  Seems pretty simple.

How You Spend Your Time

Unfortunately, it’s not that easy to transition from the first two questions to the third.  It is often that most people are unable to relate the answers.

This is not to say that those who cannot link the answers are unworthy.  It just means that they may not be as fulfilled as they could be.  Or, they may feel that they are spinning the wheel of life without getting anywhere.

Priorities

Speaking of Impact has covered work-life balance on many occasions.  On Episode 20, Andrew Tarvin said it’s a myth.  On Episode 16, Dr. Travis Parry said it’s about the time you make for yourself.  

What is relevant here is that are you connecting your why and your what.  Quinn Tempest provided insight about this on Episode 22 and Molly Stillman and Ashley Easton are living it on Episode 14 and 15, respectively.

It’s not expected that everyone’s vocation is the connection of their “who” and “how”.  It is however very important that you recognize if that is the case.  

If the work that you do is how you express who you are, it is likely that when you are not working that you need to take a break.  This doesn’t mean you ignore your morals and slip into a sinister version of yourself, it just means that you need to take some time for yourself or for the family.  You can’t ignore self-care.  That’s primary for all.  Otherwise, you’ll fall apart and be ineffective in whatever it is that you do.  

I have found that those people who do not work in a space that defines them come in two main forms.  

There are those who still express themselves in a positive fashion, but understand that their job does not define them.  They are generally mentally stable, effective at work, but greatly enjoy the things they do outside the office.  And those activities off the clock are for what they are known.  Friends and family think of their persona outside of their professional atmosphere.

The other group are those who are more defined by their work.  They tend to complain.  Work is hard, regardless of how much time it takes.  The time they spend not working is more of a relief than an enjoyment.  

There is one more type of person in this context.  They are the type of people that get burnt out.  They are similar to the first type of person who’s work does express who they are.  The difference is that they are not able to take a break.  The work is great.  It’s noble.  It’s helpful.  But eventually, it overwhelms them and self-care gets ignored.  Before they know it, they are no longer defining themselves through their work.  They are overworked.  

Life Integrity

Read “Is it time to let go of work-life balance?” by Grace Marshall from Productive Magazine.  There’s a great definition about about work-life integrity.  For most of us, there is not a perfect balance for the two.  They need to work together, but not equally.  

Some of us need to work more to be content.  Others need to play more to be productive.  It just depends on “who you are” and how you express that.  This does NOT mean that those who work more are better for society or those who work less are more fun.  

Keep it Real

It’s of paramount importance to know what’s best for you.  We are about making a positive impact in the world.  What works for you, is what we want for you.  I don’t mean a life of leisure (I’m operating under the premise that you care about something other than pleasure).   

It’s best for the world if you are operating with the work-life integrity that is ideal for you.  Self-care will be a priority and you will be in tune spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically.  With those items in place, your impact project will succeed.  Taken from E-Impact Blog 36, a problem will be solved and a business will be in place.  

Execution

Take action once you have answered your questions.  

Figure out which personality you are.  It’s ok to feel in between multiple types.  It’s not something that you figure out over night.  It takes time.  I would suggest journaling in any form to help you understand yourself better.

It can be easy to self-evaluate when you are experiencing strong emotions.  Unfortunately, this can skew your data.  The worst thing you can do is only log things when you are excited (whether good or bad) about something.  You tend to only get the highest of highs and the lowest of lows.  

Also, there is a tendency to string items together.  If you have a bad day at work, it can spread into your time at home.  If you sit down when you get some time to write about your day, you might make it seem like your time at home was horrible when you were still fired up because of what happened earlier.   The reverse can be true as well.  

It is best to document the thing that have happened within 24 hours, but not at the height of experiences.  I find it best to take small notes throughout the day and if something major happens, I’ll wait for things to calm down and finish documenting later that day.  I’ll wrap up the day before bed, or wait until the next morning if things are still hectic at the time or I’m just too tired.

The act of journaling will be the bridge between identifying who you are and making the needed changes.  With solid data over a couple week period, you’ll be way on your way to linking who you are and what you do.  Don’t stop though.  Keep it going for as long as you need (or forever) to get yourself to a place of solid work-life integrity.

Finally, use your loved ones to help you.  Make them keep you accountable.  Ask them the hard questions.  Ask them to ask you the hard questions.  Trust their opinions and descriptions of you.  Sometimes you are the least qualified person to evaluate yourself.  Their data is valuable.  Use it frequently.  Impactmaking is collaborative.  The December 29, 2020 E-Impact Blog entry dives into this.

Shout It Out Loud

Like this.

Music stimulates action.  

Once you are in the zone you can comfortably broadcast what is best for you.  If you work in the impact space, tell everyone that you’ve dedicated your life to a cause.  But, don’t forget to take self-care time and share that too.  If your work is to pay the bills and serve, do it with honor.  When you’re off the clock, make the best of it.  Each of these is noble, needed, and a great message for the world.  

Impactmakers are comfortable expressing themselves to the world because they know who they are, not because of what they do.  

You are great.