I Love Money
I’ve mostly stayed away from the topic of money in E-Impact.
There are two reasons why.
It’s something I deal with professionally and it safe move from a compliance and regulatory perspective. This seems like a safe place to say that the opinions here are my own and not investment advice.
Frankly, I don’t want to talk about money anymore and I find that it is not the root of anything (contrary to the popular saying that it is the route of all evil). It’s a tool, and so it should be referenced in this blog but not the main focus.
My goal is to stay away from experiential teaching in this entry. My professional experience was an important part of my book, “Personal Finance in a Public World”. That would be a great place to learn from the things I worked on for the past thirteen years and I would appreciate the support as the presale campaign begins to wind down. With that being said, the foundation of the lesson here is that money is something that we have a relationship with and managing that relationship is imperative to our well-being.
The Dating Game
My twentieth high school reunion is in the beginning of November this year. Firstly, it’s crazy to me that that time has passed. Physically, many things have happened since I graduated St. Thomas Aquinas High School in Ft. Lauderdale, Florida. See that website? Let’s just say that it looks much different. And yes, we had one back then. Unfortunately, I will not be able to attend the reunion. Maybe they’ll have some sort of virtual portion that I can participate in. I will be in New York City for the TCS NYC Marathon as my wife is running in it as part of Team Boomer for the Boomer Esiason Foundation (BEF).
In addition to the physical changes, I am in a much different place mentally. Your thirties are different than your teens whether you like it or not and I think people have mixed feelings on this. Personally, I’m not totally sure. There are certain things I prefer now and others I don’t.
One thing that I don’t miss is the dating game. This is another topic that is heavily debated. Some parents encourage their kids to date and learn more about themselves in the process. Others think you should wait until you are more mature (whenever that is). I don’t have children so I haven’t given it that much thought. However, I did experience that awkward time in life (by the way, awkward is fittingly an awkward word to spell and say).
If you think of dating as a game, you’ve probably started off on the wrong foot. If it’s just a game, then you may not be very respectful to those who you “play” with. I’m a social being. I generally appreciate spending time with different people and learning new things.
When I was, younger I wasn’t as outgoing and I felt stressed when being encouraged to date or meet new people. This stress could be debilitating. It was often easier to simply avoid it and concentrate on other things. It helped me be a better athlete and student, but may have stunted my social growth a bit.
Dating relationships are very emotional and can greatly affect your psyche. So are financial relationships. See this Market Watch report that said:
“41% of divorced Gen Xers and 29% of Boomers say they ended their marriage due to disagreements about money”.
When you’re dating, money usually isn’t a big topic of discussion. But, as you get more serious, it should be. The problem is that we tend to date money. We don’t take it serious enough to marry it. You might be thinking, “Bob, you want me to marry money! That seems like a terrible idea.” You’re right, when you put it like that, it’s a bad idea. I said above that money is just a tool and I stand by that. However, your relationship with it is serious. It’s not a game (like dating often is).
You can’t address money, your boyfriend, or your girlfriend simply when there’s problem. It doesn’t work like that. You have to be there consistently. You also can’t use either of them just for a good time. One positive thing about the dating game is that you can end it. Outside of some extreme situations, you can break it off with your significant other.
You can never completely end your relationship with money. You’ll always have to know how much you have, need, or make. Cryptocurrency and bitcoin may change how the world thinks about it (also covered in my book), but the relationship will always exist.
Falling in Love
There’s multiple meanings to this entry’s title. I love money because it’s interesting. Economics are fascinating to me. I also love it because it’s made my career. And finally, it’s also something with which we can do amazingly impactful things.
I can’t stress enough that money is never the sustainable answer to problems. I love my wife with everything I have, but neither is she. It’s not healthy if I rely on only her to be my source of joy, happiness, or health. It would be unfair. Tina Marie Scott did an excellent job of explaining this concept on Speaking of Impact episode 51. Her responsibility is to love me unconditionally and assist in my efforts to be the best impactmaker I can be - not insure that I am. My job is the same for her.
Our relationship with money, in this sense, is no different than that with our spouse (or other loved one).
Love is not reliance, it’s care. This means that it’s a two way-street and that not every effort is enjoyable. My wife asks me to give her a massage after each of her marathon training runs. It’s not something I enjoy doing. But, it’s something that brings me joy because she likes (and needs) it. You cannot rely on money to bring you joy. But, you can budget well, spend less than you make, invest early and often, cover risks, and do many other things to bring you comfort. How many of those things seem exciting? Was it fun to shop for car insurance?
Love your money like you don’t take it for granted. A great practice is daily gratitude time. Money can be one of the things that you give thanks for daily.
For Better or Worse
I don’t pretend to believe that money can always be joyful for all of us. There will be times where bills add up, things break, and we make foolish decisions. Yet, the vast majority of you reading this have an overwhelmingly positive list of money scenarios. You don’t know what you’ve got ’til it’s gone. It’s a lot easier to complain about an unexpected expense than it is to celebrate the joy that money provided you with your most recent purchase. This is because you don’t actually get the joy from money. You get it from the item or experience. In the same sense, it wasn’t money that broke your air conditioner.
Love your money through the good and bad times. Make responsible decisions and take care of it even when you have a surplus. Provide for yourself in advance of those tough times. Have an emergency fund of at least three months worth of expenses (preferable six) at all times. Replenish it as quickly as possible when you use it.
The amount of money that you earn or have should not dictate the amount of care you provide to it. I’ve seen people of all levels of income and net worth have a toxic money relationship.
I suggest that you consider how important certain things are in life. Spend money on the essentials (non-discretionary expenses) like mortgage/rent, food, water, electric first. Then, choose the things that are most important to you but not necessities. They will bring you the most joy. They are worth spending money on for you and your family specifically. Don’t let your friends, neighbors, and followers on social media dictate what these things are. You should not seek pleasure from something because someone else finds it there. This leads to frivolous spending, chasing for joy in the wrong places, and ultimately an unhealthy relationship with money.
Live to Give
The most successful businesses solve a big problem or introduce a new concept to the masses. The most successful non-profits have a great cause that they support. The most successful impact projects revolve around a passion to help others. Each of these things has great leadership that identified something very important and set out to make change. Along the way, there was an abundance of something. For the business, it was money and recognition. For the non-profit, believe it or not, it was also money and recognition. For the impact project, it was recognition and potentially money.
The best of each of the organizations always stay focused on their original purpose. If money or recognition ever take the lead, something goes wrong. There have been many a corporation, charity, or local effort that have gone wrong because leadership lost focus on the purpose.
I encourage you to do everything that you can to avoid losing focus of the purpose for your money.
You must LIVE to GIVE. I find that most people who have identified a greater purpose for their lives are able to maintain a healthy relationship with money. It is simply a tool to help them do something impactful for other people.
Impactmakers understand that they need money to support their family and lifestyle. Beyond that, they don’t wish to acquire and spend more on personal luxuries. They don’t love money as a possession but as an incredibly sharp tool that will allow them to create something great and make the world a better place.
Love your money. Take care of it. Budget it. Invest it. But, don’t rely on it and don’t give it the impossible task of making you infinitely happy.
Once you’ve developed a mature, healthy relationship with money (this has nothing to do with the amount), it’s time to give it to your purpose. Use the tool along with all of your other gifts and skills to build the best impact you possibly can.
I love money. I pray you feel the same.