Workaholism = Fear

I confess I'm a workaholic.

But if I'm being honest, I think most of us are workaholics these days.

There's this need in modern society to get ahead.  We compare ourselves to other people. It's almost as if it's more important to surpass our neighbors than to bring our own family along.

I intend to examine why it is we have an outward focus that generates an unhealthy professional motivation.  In fact, I think it extends beyond our professional lives and although I think we work too much, it starts before we leave (physically or virtually) the home.  Our personal lives are very digital and competitive.

The good news is that I think I found the root of the problem.  It’s fear.  

We are afraid of not achieving.  It’s a natural need to be productive.

What We Want

Psychologists have determined over the years that there are just one or two basic desires but I found this article that lists sixteen desires.  The researcher, Professor Steven Reiss, says there’s nothing wrong with workaholics.  Why did I go to the Ohio State guy to support my point?  I just wanted to give support to my Buckeye friend Nate Salley from Speaking of Impact episode 6.  

In reality, I don’t think Reiss’ findings are far off from mine.  His are obviously more based in science and extensive research.  But, mine are in social and emotional connection.

We can all agree that desire is what drives action.  When you want something, you go after it.  It could be as dire as water and food were for our ancient ancestors (or some people these days, sadly) or it might be as trivial as that new electronic device you saw when scrolling Instagram.  

This is a familiar seen for most gatherings.

This is not a budgeting commentary.  See my book “Personal Finance in a Public World” for that and more on social technology's affect on our money decisions.  But, let’s think beyond impulsive events.   

We are made aware of the items and status we desire by our surroundings.  In most cases, I think it is okay to want nice things and recognition.  However, problems arise when we seek things because other people have them.  Or, even worse, we may acquire things to outperform others.

Reiss is right that most are probably more comfortable than we assume in their daily actions otherwise they wouldn’t do them so consistently.  My addition is that we believe we are too comfortable in what we already do.  We don’t give ourselves a chance to find joy in other ways and like most things in life, we can overdo it.  

It’s clear that there is much nuance and it’s too complicated for there to be a one thought process.  Everyone has a different joy and way to experience it. 

Competition

I am no stranger to a challenge and I love to compete in sports, board games, and video games.  Especially, in team format.  See E-Impact 53.  I think it brings out the best in people.  It gets you comfortable being uncomfortable.  Listen to Gregoire Narcisse talk about this on Speaking of Impact episode 11.  The lessons cannot be denied.

What happens when we let our competitive desires move into our greater social life?  

I suppose that your beer league softball team is an acceptably social and competitive group.  But, your IG Reels and Tik-tok account don’t have to be.  

I think kids have it right.  They play tee-ball or soccer and try to win.  Then they go home and play with the same friends with whom they competed.  

I realize I am risking offending the sports purists who hate to see the professionals giving dap and smiling with each other after the game.  They’ll get over it though.  It’s cool to compete and then show love.

It’s Not All Love

The kids who dream of being professional athletes and the pros themselves have it right.  

-They find love for a sport.

-They play a kid’s game.

-They make friends.

-They compete.

-They make some enemies and learn to deal with it.

-They make it big.

-They keep playing the kid’s game.

-They keep showing love to their friends.

What about the rest of us?

I don’t think we’re bitter despite some opinions out there.  Yes, many think they would like the pro athlete life.  But, this isn’t why we work too much.  If anything, it’s why we don’t work enough.

The issue is that we are not confident in our own abilities or worth.  We don’t have the confidence that professional quarterbacks and point guards have (even if they have a bad game).  We also don’t have the carefree attitude of a child.  

Constant comparisons have become too prominent in our social life and as a result, it’s everywhere else.  

We don’t love each other and our relationships.

I wrote about loving other people more in E-Impact 66 last week.  See that for “why” and “how” to do it.  This is about why we don’t.

Embracing Change

It’s a never ending stress loop if you find joy in outperforming your peers in an industry or organizationally defined metric.  

In my previous career, I saw many people chase goals and rewards set forth by the employer.  It was normal.  I cannot criticize the business model because it is what drives achievement.  The company has been around in some form or another since 1902.  That’s over one hundred years of success.

Employees would find ways to inflate (most were legally and morally acceptable) their numbers.  It was their job.  Throughout the year, leaderboards were shared to help people keep track of their status.  

Sadly, many would use the charts to monitor the progress of their business.  In my opinion, they should have metrics more specific to their own practice and ways of determining if they are improving.  

Detailed focus on a general measurement causes other essential business processes to falter.  I was as guilty as the next person towards the middle of my career.  I was too new early on and at the end I had realized what was happening and developed a much more appropriate system for my team.

It took almost a decade, but I finally found change to be valuable.  I embraced it.  In 12 years, I saw numerous staff, compensation, product, training, initiative, goal, and metric changes.  They were normally met with groaning.  Ironically, I think this behavior relates a lot to the main subject of this entry.  

The best of the best in financial services have staying power.  It’s no secret that the employee retention ratio in the industry is less than 10%.  Most do not make it.  The reason is because it’s hard to make money conversations simple in an ever shifting world.  The leaders have figured out how to find joy in the competition and are comfortable grinding away no matter what changes.  In some ways they’ve avoided the change but they really just accept it and figure out how to stay on top.  

Thankfully, I was able to develop our team’s business focuses and apply the changes as they came.  It became evident that it wasn’t efficient and my business partner and I left Thrivent earlier this year.  I miss the people there and am forever grateful for the time.  It was a great company for which to work.

The Driving Factor

I don’t fear failure yet I am determined to be successful.  I think this is an amazingly powerful combination.  

Failures are hurdles of success.  You have to jump over them to continue the race (and it’s a lifelong race).  

In my previous role, I was definitely fearful.  Honestly, I was afraid of sucking.  I saw the stress levels and issues of some of the people I worked with.  I also noticed that most would not be with the company by the end of the year.  I couldn’t be one of them.  I had to support my family as well.

There was no way I was going to fail.  The fear was too strong.  For me, it was sustainable for twelve years.  For others, 12 months or maybe a whole career.  This is why I think it is unhealthy. 

I referenced the complexity above and that must be taken into account.  Yet, I think there is general effort to obtain a “more” that is ultimately unattainable.  Everyone’s thought process is unique but workaholics start because they want something and they continue relentlessly because the first dose is not enough.  

Work: activity involving mental or physical effort done in order to achieve a purpose or result.

The fear is that you will not achieve a purpose or result. 

Have This Instead

I remember my pastor saying God has three answers to prayer when I was younger.

-Yes

-No

-Have this instead

I have found the third response to be most prominent in my life.  There always seems to be something coming and it’s normally different than what I think is best for me.

My career journey is a perfect example.  I don’t think I was ready for a big journalism career right out of graduate school as I desired.  A financial services job was just what I needed.  Now I own my own company, Initiate Impact, and I have circled back to producing media content at the same time.

My “work” life is much different now.  I certainly found joy in rising up the leaderboards the past 12 years.  I felt accomplished and there were times of celebration, though they didn’t last.  These days, I find joy in most of what I do.  It’s a pleasure to do things and not a relief to achieve.  We have goals but one of them is to partner with families and to execute their mission in the present.  

Some of what you desire professionally should be applicable now.  Like, right now!  

If you are not doing something enjoyable everyday, something is wrong.  

You need change.  Embrace it.

Impactmkaers are all about positive change in the world.  But, it starts with us.  

Michael Jackson said, “Make that change.”, in Man in the Mirror.

Don’t fear failure in your work.  Do something that is meaningful to YOU.  It’s not selfish.  It’s where positive change starts.  

You are too important to be afraid.